


our house on fire

by vaindumbass



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Because I can, Chaos, Chatting & Messaging, Disney References, Everyone Is Gay, Getting Together, James Potter is a Good Friend, Multi, Mutual Pining, Remus Lupin is a Little Shit, Texting, look people it deserves its own tag, no plot i think, text fic, we'll have to see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/pseuds/vaindumbass
Summary: James: It was indeed for a prank. Remus, still mad at us, decided that he needed to drown his sorrowsJames: In chocolate milk.Marlene: omg Remus you DID NOT-James, Lily, Regulus, Sirius, Remus, Marlene and Dorcas all live in the same house. It belongs officially to James, but it's too big to live in alone. It's also too big to walk up to someone and talk face-to-face, apparently, so they text a lot.
Relationships: Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Regulus Black/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 405
Kudos: 298





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hellinglasses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellinglasses/gifts).



> written for the amazing hellinglasses who leaves the BEST comments, and apparently also has the best ideas!! (they gave me this prompt)

**Group chat:** **Responsibilities**

Dorcas: we're out of milk 

Sirius: oh really? However could that be? 

Lily: shut your trap sirius those cookies were worth it and you know it 

Sirius: yeah fair enough 

Dorcas: guys not the point (save some for me). Who's going to go to the store? 

Lily: (will do) not it 

Sirius: not it 

Dorcas: not it 

Peter: not it 

James: not it 

Marlene: not it! 

Marlene: wait Peter, you don't even live here. Why did you join in? 

Peter: you know just as well as I do that Sirius would've made me get milk if I didn't 

Marlene: fair enough 

Regulus: not it. 

Dorcas: HAH! Remus go get milk, you lost 

Remus: Sure 

Sirius: Are you guys really this stupid? 

Marlene: yes 

Marlene: but we're also too stupid to know what we're being stupid about, or at least I am. Explain please 

Sirius: Have you really forgotten the last time Remus went to get milk? 

James: oh shit. you're right 

Regulus: not all of us lived together during our school years, what happened?

James: Well, Remus was kind of pissed of at us for no good reason 

Remus: You call making me mooN AN ENTIRE BEACH NO GOOD REASON??? 

Regulus: yes he is. Keep up 

James: Thanks Reg. Anyway, Remus was then tasked with retrieving some stuff for us. Just some milk, eggs, butter, flour, that stuff 

Marlene: ohh were you making a cake? 

Lily: come on you know them better than this. Ten bucks it was for a prank 

Marlene: I have learned that it's better not to bet against you, so no 

Dorcas: How did you learn that? 

Marlene: The hard way.

James: It was indeed for a prank. Remus, still mad at us, decided that he needed to drown his sorrows 

James: In chocolate milk. 

Marlene: omg Remus you DID NOT 

Lily: how can you guys be mad about this? it's too funny 

Sirius: In hindsight, it might be slightly hilarious 

James: Oh, you guys think this is funny? 

James: What if I tell you guys that he also got us chocolate eggs, cacoa butter and, from god-knows-where, chocolate flour?? Do you still think it's funny??? 

Regulus: Yes. 

Marlene: Remus, I just want you to know you're my hero and I love you 

Lily: Guys we already know Remus is amazing and funny, and while it's good to keep acknowledging it, I think we need to focus on the fact that he apparently mooned an entire beach 

Lily: What's the story here? 

Remus: not a chance. I won't tell 

Sirius: I will! You see 

Remus: Sirius. 

Sirius: I have changed my mind.

James: I can tell you the story! It was at a summer at our house 

Lily: I'm sorry but James you have lived in four different houses so far, not even including this one 

Regulus: don't forget his parents' vacation homes 

James: It was at my parents' usual home. It was summer, we were... tipsy, and Remus never says no to a dare or challenge 

Remus: It's my only flaw 

James: Sirius dares him to moon the rest of the beach, but just for like, five seconds 

Dorcas: Couldn't share him for longer than that, huh Black? 

**Private chat: Sirius Black >** **Dorcas** **Meadowes**

Sirius: did you have to say that? 

Dorcas: am I wrong, though? 

Sirius: …. 

**Group chat:** **ReSpONsiBilITieS**

Sirius: Remus accepts the dare, and turns around so that his back faces the beach, with his feet in the water 

James: Just when he has his pants down, an enormous wave sneaks up on him. 

Sirius: He falls, and somewhere during his mighty battle with the sea 

James: He loses his pants 

Marlene: you know this 'finish each other's sentences' thing is no less weird while texting than in real life 

Sirius: so the mooning took a bit more time than expected 

Dorcas: oh please, I highly doubt that you complained, sirius 

**Private chat: Sirius Black >** **Dorcas** **Meadowes**

Sirius: we literally just talked about this 

Dorcas: sorry, did you say anything? 

Dorcas I can't hear you over all this yearning you're doing 

Sirius: Shut up 

**Group chat:** **Guys** **someone** **needs** **to** **get** **milk**

Lily: okay we won't let Remus go for the milk

Remus: you sure? 

Remus: I promise to not bring chocolate milk today 

Marlene: just let him go 

Sirius: let it go~ 

James: let it go~ 

Sirius: can't hold it back anymore~ 

**Group chat: The superior chat (** **aka** **the** **normal** **group** **chat but without James** **and** **Sirius)**

Regulus: anyway, Remus, are you getting the milk? 

Remus: yep 

Regulus: can you get some googly eyes? I've run out 

Lily: what the FUCK do you need those for? 

Regulus: my parents want me back home for a day and while Sirius has always been the one who did more pranks between us I thought, hey, why not? 

Marlene: oh shit that sucks dude 

Remus: do they still think you agree with them? 

Regulus: after saturday not anymore 

Regulus: I hope 

**Private chat: Lily Evans >** **Regulus** **Black**

Lily: Can you save some of these eyes for me? 

Regulus: Sure, why? 

Lily: You know how James is all groggy in the mornings and doesn't see for shit? 

Regulus: the mouth on you, Evans. But yes I know 

Lily: The mouth that could be on _you_ , you mean. Anyway, imagine his surprise when he puts on his glasses.. 

Regulus: I already like where this is going 

Lily: and sees another pair of eyes staring back at him! 

Regulus: You, Lily Evans, are a genius 

Genius: well c'mon, put your money where your mouth is 

Regulus: ? 

Genius: I sincerely hope you changed my contact name to 'genius' 

Regulus: … 

Regulus: nah I didn't 

Genius: well that's just rude 

Regulus: what am I in your contacts, then? 

Genius: at this point not really anything, but I can always change it to sweetheart 

Genius: or gorgeous 

Genius: or beautiful 

Sweetheart: sometimes I forget how much you flirt, but you never allow those blessed moments to last for long, do you? 

Genius: nope 

Sweetheart: first, change my name back 

Regulus: Second, why do you even do it? 

Genius: because I like you, obviously 

Regulus: Oh, sure, that's why you flirt with _everyone_

Genius: Really? Name _one_ other person I flirt with meaninglessly 

Regulus: James 

Genius: oh fuck this I'm not doing this 

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Dorcas Meadowes **

Lily: Dorcas why are they so stupid ugh 

Dorcas: What did Regulus do? 

Lily: they thought my flirting was fake! And then they used the fact that I flirt with James too as an argument. 

Dorcas: oh yeah that sucks 

Lily: Why can't they just realize I'm serious?? 

Dorcas: probably because your flirting is a joke 

Lily: harsh 

Dorcas: It really is tho. It just seems too... bad to be true 

Lily: I come here for consolation and empathy, and this is how you treat me? 

Dorcas: obviously 

**Group chat:** **The superior chat**

Marlene: guys I took it upon me to look back in the chat 

Marlene: and James and Sirius are almost finished 

Dorcas: Marlene, you're a hero 

Remus: they still haven't stopped? 'Let it go' always felt like it took really long, but I always thought that was because Sirius and James were singing it? 

Marlene: it's not that long. They've just been repeating it non-stop and I need someone to get between them 

Lily: why are they so dumb 

Remus i'll stop them 

Regulus: good luck. you'll need it 

Remus: thanks. i know 

Marlene: hurry up! 

**Group chat:** **To all the haters:** **Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried**

Sirius: let the storm rage onnn~ 

Remus: guys I just saw this adorable dog on the sidewalk 

James: ohh was he fluffy? 

Sirius: can we still pet him if we go outside now? 

Remus: the fluffiest, and unfortunately not, they just rounded the corner 

Lily: wow 

Lily: Thanks Remus 

Lily: you're truly a miracle worker 

Remus: what can I say 

Remus: except 

Lily: yes? 

Remus: you're welcome~ 

Sirius: for the tides the sun, the sky~ 

Lily: I AM DISOWNING YOU 

James: hey it's okay, it's okay~

Regulus: it's really, really not. How dare you betray us like this? 

Remus: YOU'RE WELCOME~

 **Group chat: The superior chat (without James, Sirius and Remus)**

**Dorcas** **Meadowes** **has removed Remus Lupin from the chat**

Lily: can you believe this guy??? 

Marlene: well, to be fair, he was probably part of the Marauders for a reason 

Marlene: speaking of... 

Marlene: if you're mad already, it would be better if you didn't look in the fridge right now 

**Group chat** **: To all the fans: no need to pray, it's okay**

Sirius: Also I harnessed the breeze~

Lily: Remus John Lupin what the HELL is this _coconut_ milk doing in my fridge?? 

Remus: you're welcome!~


	2. Chapter 2

**Group chat: Minnies favourites**

Sirius: if giraffes have longer necks to eat more leaves

Sirius: couldnt they just have two heads?

Sirius: they could surely eat more leaves that way

Marlene: 1. Giraffes got longer necks in a veryyy slow mutation process, and not many animals with two heads survive

Marlene: 2. It's 3 am go the fuck to sleep

Sirius: hey, you're awake too!

Marlene: not anymore

Sirius: sure, that's why you're still texting

Sirius: Marlene?

Remus: pretty sure she's sleeping

Remus: why are you still awake?

Sirius: I could ask you the same thing

Remus: well, as for me, I woke up to the sound of messages in the group chat

Sirius: have you not heard of putting your phone on silent??

Remus: look, I fell asleep during a binge on cat videos, I didn't think of that

Remus: as for the cat videos, that's completely James' fault

Sirius: does he send them to you too?

Remus: absolutely. he send me one with a cat 'reading' a book

Remus: and I swear I was just looking for a cat with glasses or terrible hair or something to get back at him

Remus: but somehow I fell into this hole of cute animal videos

Remus: and somewhere after I had seen a hedgehog floating in water, I think I fell asleep

Sirius: okay that's fair

Sirius: you're probably still tired

Sirius: I'll try to stop spamming the group chat

Remus: good, now come over to the living room

Sirius: ?

Remus: i'm not going to make a pillowfort all by myself

Remus: you can pick the movie, as long as you don't sing along too loudly

Sirius: ...

Sirius: I'll be there

**James Potter created a group chat**

**Group chat: I would die for Wolfstar but they wouldn't let me**

James: guess what I found in our living room!

James: RemusandSiriuscuddling.jpg

Lily: look that's adorable and all but why?

Regulus: what the hell is wolfstar?

James: well, you see

James: Remus and Sirius would make a cute couple right?

Dorcas: sure

James: and they need a shipname!

Marlene: just to be clear how do you know about shipnames and shit? is this just some veryyy thorough research so that you can ship your two friends in the best way possible or...

James: haha anyway

James: Remus has got the whole wolf thing going on right? with the Moony and the Lupin and the Remus?

Regulus: you've got a point but the link between Remus and wolf is kinda weak

Regulus: it would make more sense if Remus was a werewolf or something

Regulus: lol

James: and Sirius is named after a star!

Dorcas: his whole family is

Dorcas: wolfstar could also stand for Regulus and Remus, Bellatrix with Remus, or, heavens forbid, their father with Remus

Marlene: I did not need those mental images thanks

James: everyone's a critic nowadays

James: as if you could do better

**Dorcas Meadowes created a group chat**

**Group chat: Jegulily. nice simple and a classic**

Marlene: good name, but why does James only get one (1) letter in the entire name?

Dorcas: because he's a dumbass

Marlene: valid

Sirius: guys I'm all here for this

Remus: isn't it a bit... rude though? to just push them together?

Marlene: well to be fair, in a hypothetical situation they would do the same for you guys

Remus: haha

Sirius: yea hah not like anything is happening between us to lead to something like that haha lol

**Private chat Dorcas Meadowes >Sirius Black**

Dorcas: smooth

Sirius: you know one of these days I will take revenge

Dorcas: yeah, sure. Prove it

**Sirius Black created a group chat**

**Group chat: DORLENE FTW!!!!**

James: ahahah wow what a sudden decision to make a group chat for a ship of our real-life friends

Regulus: right? such an unprompted and weird decision why would anyone ever do that

Remus: is it too intrusive?

Lily: nahh as long as we don't push them too much or anything it's totally fine!

James: I think so too! nothing wrong with making a chat purely so you can send pictures about possible pairings!

Sirius: ohhh pictures that's a nice idea

Sirius: don't have any though

Remus: oh that's a shame

**Private chat: James Potter >Sirius Black**

James: I saw you taking pictures at the restaurant tho??

Sirius: yea but

Sirius: those were mostly of Remus and he's in the foreground every time so like...

Sirius: don't want him to figure it out

James: oh I suppose that makes sense

**Group chat: Wolfstar is totally a valid and awesome name for a valid and awesome ship**

James: screenshot.jpg

James: my ship is sailinggggg

Marlene: nice!

Marlene: what kind of pictures were you talking about?

James: ...

James: Pictures...

James: of...

James: the...

Regulus: well, you remember the restaurant right?

Marlene: yes I do, I was there

Regulus: and you remember the cat that was near us, begging for scraps, almost the entire time?

Marlene: of course I remember duke Henry the Fourth, he's my son

Regulus: Remus asked for pics of him

Dorcas: where did he do that? cause I'm pretty sure I'm in every group chat there is

Regulus: some people talk in real life, you know?

Regulus: so anyway that's the context

**Private chat: James Potter >Regulus Black**

James: You're a lifesaver thanks so much!!

Regulus: oh it's okay, don't mention it

James: no seriously thanks!! you truly saved my life out there!!

Regulus: I got that from the 'lifesaver' in your first message yeah

James: I'm trying to show my gratefullness, accept it! No need to be snarky

Regulus: fine

Regulus: you're welcome

Regulus: don't even THINK of singing that song again

James: :(

**Group chat: Minnies favourites**

Lily: I just read all those messages and

Lily: Marlene really just woke up to the sound of Sirius being dumb, pointed out that he was being dumb, and fell right back asleep huh?

Regulus: power move tbh

Marlene: thanks

Sirius: yeah, Dorcas thinks it's cute

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Dorcas Meadowes**

Sirius: revenge is sweet

Dorcas: I told you thAT IN CONFIDENCE

Sirius: woops

**Group chat: Minnies favourites**

Lily: also, that whole thing with the cute animal videos?

Lily: CATastrophic

James: Lily, I love you, but these puns are horrible

**Private chat Lily Evans >Dorcas Meadowes**

Lily: DORCAS OMYGODDD DID YOU SSEE THATT???

Dorcas: yes, James said he loved you

Lily: !!!!!!

**Group chat: Minnies favourites**

Lily: excuse you? I just wanted to talk about Remus' CATventure

Regulus: I must say that I agree with James

Lily: so, you love me? or do you think my puns are horrible?

Regulus: yes

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Dorcas Meadowes**

Lily: KJLAHSKJHASFHJHF

Dorcas: yes we get it, your crushes like you back it's great

Lily: aww, don't be jealous

Lily: on a more serious note, I KNOW they're joking, really

Lily: it's just nice to... pretend, you know?

**Group chat: Jegulily. nice simple and a classic**

Sirius: I know everyone here is in the groupchat but is everyone seeing what I'm seeing??

Sirius: James is making his moves, I'm so proud

Remus: tbh, if those are his moves i doubt he'll get very far

Peter: at least HE is making SOME moves

**Private chat: Marlene McKinnon >Peter Pettigrew**

Marlene: I trusted you

Marlene: low blow

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >Peter Pettigrew**

Remus: well peter that was uncalled for

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Peter Pettigrew**

Sirius: traitor

Sirius: I'm cutting of your supply of baked goods as we speak. 

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Peter Pettigrew**

Dorcas: fuck you

Peter: this shit is why I never say anything in the group chats anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me?? getting comments and immediately finishing this chapter?? it's more likely than you think


	3. Chapter 3

**Private chat: Lily Evans >James Potter**

Lily: Hey, Regulus leaves tomorrow, right?

James: I thought so, yeah

James: but hey, if we're lucky their parents will finally leave them alone after that

Lily: I know but it still sucks

Lily: so I have a plan to cheer them up!

James: Great! tell me?

Lily: of course

**Group chat: Minnies favourites**

James: sleep-over in the living room tonight!

Marlene: not that I'm complaining, but we just had one last week?

Lily: yes, it's a weekly tradition

Regulus: I wasn't even aware that it was a tradition

Regulus: let alone a weekly one

James: well, now you know!

Dorcas: I'm in!

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Dorcas Meadowes**

Lily: thanks for joining in!

Lily: I'll make sure that you lie next to Marlene

**Group chat: Sleep-over tonight!!!**

James: I'll bring snacks!

Lily: I'll bring drinks!

Remus: I could also do the drinks, if you want

Lily: no thanks you'd just put some almond milk in there

Remus: I-

Remus: can't really deny that 

Sirius: I'll pick the movie!

Remus: that's not a task

Sirius: ugh, fine, I'll collect blankets and pillows

Marlene: I'll bring extra snacks!

Dorcas: those are indeed very important

Dorcas: Regulus and I will put the matresses in front of the TV

Regulus: we... will?

Dorcas: we will

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Regulus Black**

Lily: Could you make sure that Dorcas and Marlene are next to each other?

Regulus: Sure

**Group chat: Everybody stay OFF your phones Lilo &Stitch is playing!!**

James: hey guys, where's Peter?

Sirius: maybe he didn't feel wanted since you were already bringing snacks?

James: Peter knows very well that we always need bonus extra snacks

James: Right?

Peter: Oh I-

Peter: I didn't actually

Marlene: don't worry guys I've paused the movie

Marlene: Peter of course you can bring bonus extra snacks!

Lily: or just bring yourself because...

Regulus: don't do it

Lily: ...you're a snack!

Regulus: I hope you can see my disappointed staring

Peter: thanks guys

Peter: I guess I just felt a bit left out

Peter: cause you all live together and a lot of the time you talk about things that I don't understand cause I wasn't _there_

James: I'm so sorry!

James: You're always welcome here!!

James: I just realized I forgot to give you your key but it's there for you!

James: so are we!

Lily: James, chill

Lily: I don't think the post office is open this late

Lily: you can still send him the keys tomorrow

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >Peter Pettigrew**

Remus: Hey Peter, you do know that we all care about you right?

Remus: you're the one we all trust the most

Remus: I'm pretty sure you know all of our secrets, and yet you haven't spilled any of them

Peter: thanks Remus! I'm glad you think I'm a good secret keeper

Peter: it means a lot

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Peter Pettigrew**

Sirius: I didn't really cut off your supply of baked goods

Sirius: In fact, Lily and I are making your favourite cookies tomorrow

Sirius: you should come by for them (or come visit us now and stay the night)

Peter: I will, and thanks Sirius, love you too

 **Private chat:** **Marlene Mckinnon >Peter Pettigrew**

Marlene: everyone here does miss you a lot

Marlene: I know you have to take care of your dad

Marlene: but there's a room ready here for when he gets better

Peter: Thank you, Marlene, but I don't know if I want to leech off James like that

Marlene: like he doesn't have enough money

Marlene: seriously though, no pressure!

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Peter Pettigrew**

Dorcas: hey Pete

Dorcas: I'm sorry we made you feel left out

Dorcas: that really wasn't our intention

Peter: it's okay!

Dorcas: still, if there's anything I can do...?

Peter: well...

Dorcas: yes?

Peter: everyone is sending me those sweet messages and I have no idea how to respond to them

Peter: its all really nice but I'm just so awkward and I feel like I'm making things worse

Dorcas: I got you, I'll make sure James deletes his four paragraphs on why you're such an amazing friend, and amazing person, and amazing son

Dorcas: I'll stop Reg and Lils too, but as for the others

Dorcas: the damage is already done

**Group chat: Ohana**

**James Potter added Mrs. Pettigrew to the chat**

James: Mrs. Pettigrew wanted to tell us all something?

James: go ahead ma'am

Mrs. Pettigrew: Thank you, James.

Mrs. Pettigrew: I just thought you might want to know that Peter is crying

Mrs Pettigrew: from happiness of course!

Mrs. Pettigrew: My boy sometimes has a hard time expressing his feelings, so I'll thank you for him!

Peter: MOM!

Peter: I love you, but, what the heck??

Peter: no need to expose me like this

Mrs Pettigrew: My jobe here is done

Mrs. Pettigrew: James, if you'd be so kind?

James: of course!

**James Potter removed Mrs. Pettigrew from the chat**

Marlene: damn, I love that lady

Dorcas: aww, does our Petey have _feelings_?

Peter: ...

Peter: maybe

James: WE LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!

Regulus: can you come over?

Peter: no, but I'll be there tomorrow!

Lily: Great!

Peter: now go watch your movie, I'll be fine

**Private chat: Marlene McKinnon >Sirius Black**

Marlene: Sirius helppp I just woke up and

Marlene: curse whoever put me next to Dorcas because

Sirius: oh I can see you from here

Sirius: you two seem... comfortable

Marlene: TOO comfortable

Marlene: I should really stop cuddling Dorcas

Sirius: should you?

Marlene: Probably

Sirius: do you want to?

Marlene: never

Sirius: you guys are... seriously entertwined

Sirius: how did you even end up in that position?

Marlene: Look I was sleepy I can't be held responsible for my actions

Marlene: but I miiiiiight just have cuddled up to Dorcas when I woke up in the middle of the night

Sirius: I gotta say that I'm impressed that you type all of this with one hand

Sirius: but wouldn't it be better if you used the other one too?

Marlene: and risk waking Dorcas??? are you crazy??

Marlene: Sure, sleepy me made the dumb decision to spoon Dorcas in her sleep, but just because it was dumb doesn't mean I regret it

Marlene: unless...

Sirius: you know just as well as I do that Dorcas doesn't mind

Sirius: even while watching the movie you guys were touching right?

Marlene: yea but two tighs touching is not the same as full on spooning someone

Marlene: just saying

Sirius: believe me Dorcas doesn't mind cuddles

Sirius: you know this

Sirius: sleepy you knows this

Sirius: you don't survive this friend group for long if you don't like affectionate touches

Marlene: ... I guess

**Group chat: Ohana**

James: WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

James: I DON'T KNOW WHO DID THIS BUT SCREW YOU

Lily: What happened?

Dorcas: this better be important, I was getting my best sleep in _ages_

James: Someone put googly eyes on my glasses

James: I'm not dramatic enough nor good enough with words to properly describe how absolutely horrifying that was

James: Sirius, Remus, help me

Sirius: James had just woken up, still slightly drousy, but also ridiculously optimistic about the day that was to come

Sirius: He got up with a swing to his step, humming a catchy song under his breath, and thought to himself: "life is good"

Sirius: His happiness was brutally crushed, however, the moment he reached for his glasses

Sirius: He screeched loudly, and threw it far away from him (but still on the bed, since James' glasses aren't broken yet)

Sirius: His innocence was gone. He would never be the same. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, feeling like somebody was staring at him, but too afraid to reach for his glasses

James: yes that ^

Remus: They say that eyes are the mirror of the soul; these eyes were empty.

James: ohh I like that one too

Marlene: fancy semicolon!

Remus: why thank you

**Private chat: Regulus Black >Lily Evans**

Regulus: Lily that was absolutely brilliant

Regulus: you truly are a genius

Regulus: I'm pretty sure our neighbours heard James' screeching

Regulus: and seeing as we live in this ginormous house, that's saying a lot

Genius: thank you!

Genius: it was truly music to my ears

**Private chat: Lily Evans >James Potter**

Lily: Whoever put those googly eyes on your glasses might've done us a favour

Lily: Regulus is currently smiling!

James: well, in that case I'll forgive the culprit

Lily: you're such a softie

James: shut up

Lily: such a mother hen

James: do you have anything else to say or can I just block you in peace now?

Lily: well, I think it would be good if you checked up on Regulus?

Lily: because they seem happy now but idk

James: will do!

**Private chat: James Potter >Regulus Black**

James: hey Regs, you okay?

Regulus: I should be the one asking you that

Regulus: I don't think my ears will ever recover from all those manly shrieks

James: I hope they will!

James: But please answer the question?

James: If you don't want to talk about it that's okay of course!

James: no pressure!

Regulus: I'll be fine, James, don't worry

Regulus: tell Lily that too, please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I still don't know how to make the requested images (im sorryyy) and Peter being unable to reply to those sweet messages might just slightly be me projecting. (you know who you are. I love you too friend)
> 
> Kudo's and comments make my day!


	4. Chapter 4

**Private chat: James Potter >Sirius Black**

James: hey, is there even wifi at Grimmauld's?

Sirius: oh

Sirius: yea there isn't 

Sirius: Regulus will be fine tho believe me

Sirius: my dear mom just tries to limit our acces to the outer world sometimes

James: okay

Sirius: They WILL be fine, really

James: okay

**Private chat: James Potter >Lily Evans**

James: I asked Sirius

James: There's simply no wifi at Grimmaulds place

Lily: oh thank god

Lily: I mean, I'm not happy that they can't respond to our texts

Lily: but I'm happy that it's not for... other reasons

James: yeah, same

**Group chat: Dorlene is actually quite a good shipname, who came up with that?**

**Lily Evans added Alice Fortescue**

**Lily Evans added Frank Longbottom**

Lily: my dudes I have a plan to make Dorlene canon!

Alice: it's always lovely to see what you come up with when you're desperately trying to distract yourself

Alice: instead of just talking about it like a normal human being

Lily: pssh whatever would I need to distract myself from

Alice: Regulus

Lily: The plan is that we're going to take Dorcas shopping!

Lily: after that we'll convince her to send some pics of her amazing outfit to Marlene

Lily: Marlene will be unable to stay away from Dorcas' beauty

Lily: and tada! a couple

Frank: I must say that for one of your desperate distraction plans

Frank: This one is really bad

Alice: yeah, almost worse than your plan: I see that James is more mature, and I kinda want to be friends now, but instead of telling him that, let's continue ignoring him!

Lily: Hey, that one worked, didn't it?

Frank: yes, but only because James brand of insanity matches yours

James: Thank you!

James: I think

Sirius: well, to be fair James

Sirius: you're the only one I know who would see Lily not outrightedly disliking you as her liking you, and you're truly the only one who would be right

James: Hey, after I stopped displaying my charms so obviously

Remus: how often do I have to say that taking of your shirt to show off your abs is NOT 'displaying your charms'

James: It was obvious she had warmed up to me!

Sirius: it really, really wasn't

Lily: back on topic guys

Lily: Obviously I'll go, but I want Frank, Alice and Remus with me

James: Not me? :(

Lily: not you nor Sirius

Lily: let alone both of you

Lily: I don't want to be banned from anymore shops

Sirius: fair I guess

 **Private chat: Alice Fortescue >Lily** **Evans**

Alice: I happen to know Dorcas and Marlene aren't the only ones you're trying to get together

Alice: Do you just have the exact same plan for Remus and Sirius?

Lily: ...

Lily: Kinda

Alice: Well good luck

Lily: hey we have the same goal!

Alice: you'll need it

Lily: you need luck just the same as I do!

Alice: I'll be rooting for you

Lily: I hate you

**Group chat: Ohana**

Sirius: Seeing as I'm not invited to the shopping trip

Sirius: Because Lily HATES me

Sirius: I'm planning on stress-eating all of the cookies we made yesterday

Sirius: Where are they?

Peter: They're safe with me, don't worry

Sirius: You took them ALL with you??

Sirius: ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THEM ALL BY YOURSELF??? I WANTED TO DO THAT

Peter: Lily said I could 

Sirius: hate is not the right word for Lily's feelings for me

Sirius: she must absolutely loathe me

Sirius: I'm surprised she hasn't smothered me with a pillow yet

Lily: me too

**Private chat Lily Evans >Dorcas Meadowes**

Lily: Hey you've been in the fitting room for a pretty long time now

Lily: everything okay?

Dorcas: yeah it's just

Dorcas: different from what I usually wear 

Dorcas: and it feels a bit too fancy?

Lily: oh you don't need to worry about the price

Lily: I stole James' creditcard

Dorcas: LILY

Dorcas: YOU CAN'T JUST STEAL PEOPLE'S CREDITCARDS

Dorcas: HOW OFTEN DO I NEED TO TELL YOU THIS??

Lily: at least one more time, since it isn't quite working yet

Lily: but James is okay with it!

Dorcas: has he told you that?

Lily: not,,,exactly

Lily: but he gave us all the code so like...

Dorcas: no, he gave you and Regulus the code

Dorcas: the rest of us still know it, of course

Lily: but hey, if you're nervous about how you look, maybe ask, idk, Marlene what she thinks?

Dorcas: and what if she doesn't like it?

Lily: Have you LOOKED at yourself?? She WILL like it

Lily: c'mon, don't you trust Alice's fashion sense?

Dorcas: Do I trust the fashion sense of the girl who once whore socks with sandals??? 

Lily: Frank's fashion sense? 

Lily: if it's any consolation, I think it SUITS you

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Marlene McKinnon**

Dorcas: Okay so we found this outfit for me

Dorcas: and I like it!

Dorcas: but I'm not sure if it fits me

Marlene: hey, if you like it, it fits you

Dorcas: you sure? 

Marlene: yes! but if you feel uncomfortable you shouldn't wear it, of course

Marlene: is it that bad?

Dorcas: I'll just send you a picture

Dorcas: DorcasLookingAbsolutelyGorgeous.jpg

**Private chat: Marlene McKinnon >Sirius Black**

Marlene: HOLY SHIT IM SO FUCKING GAY

Sirius: wow this is the first time I hear this

Sirius: what a surprise!

Marlene: IM PRETTY SURE ITS ILLEGAL TO LOOK THIS GOOD

Sirius: why thank you, I've always had a tendency of breaking the rules

Marlene: WHAT? NO. THIS IS ABOUT DORCAS

Sirius: of course it is

Marlene: IM PRETTY SURE SHES TRYING TO KILL ME

Marlene: HER WEAPON OF CHOICE? LOOKING WAY TOO GOOD IN A SUIT

**Private chat: Marlene McKinnon >Dorcas Meadowes**

Marlene: next time give a girl a warning damn

Dorcas: ?

Marlene: You look

Marlene: really good!

Marlene: If I had not already been through my sexual awakening...

Marlene: lol

Dorcas: Oh, thank you, I'm glad to hear that

**Group chat: It was I, the amazing Sirius Black, who came up with that gorgeous name**

Sirius: Screenshot.jpg

Sirius: well Lily, your plan seems to be working

Lily: oh you don't know half of it

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >Sirius Black**

Remus: I think there's a theme to this shopping spree

Sirius: oh? what is it, then?

Remus: I'm pretty sure I heard Lily call this: "operation fuck gender norms" under her breath

Sirius: oh that's a good theme

Sirius: what did she buy for you?

Remus: RemusBeingStunning.jpg

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Marlene Mckinnon**

Sirius: IM SO HE KING GAY

Sirius: IN BOTH SENSES OF THE WORD

Sirius: HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE REMUS' LEGS ARE THIS LONG

Marlene: yES SUFFER WITH ME

Sirius: IS IT REALLY SUFFERING?

Sirius: ON ONE HAND: I GET THE ULTIMATE JOY OF SEEING REMUS IN A SKIRT

Sirius: ON THE OTHER HAND: I MIGHT STILL NEED MY BRAIN AFTER TODAY

Sirius: AND THAT WON'T BE POSSIBLE SEEING AS I'M PRETTY SURE IT JUST GOT FRIED

Sirius: BY A BEAM OF MOONY'S GORGEOUSNESS

Sirius: A MOONBEAM, IF YOU WILL

Marlene: HAVE YOU SEEN DORCAS O MY GOD

Marlene: O NO

Sirius: What?

Marlene: I JUST REALIZED THERE'S A CHANCE THAT THEY WILL WEAR THIS IN OUR DIRECT VICINITY

Sirius: KJHKJHKJH HOW WILL WE SURVIVE??

Marlene: BUT WHAT A WAY TO GO

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Remus Lupin**

Sirius: oh that looks nice on you!

Remus: thx

**Private chat: Frank Longbottom >Lily Evans**

Frank: I just realized

Frank: You don't necessarily want them to look nice

Frank: Or well, you do

Frank: but you just want them in clothes Marlene and Sirius haven't seen them in yet

Frank: that way the shock will result in some extra awe

Frank: because they aren't used to it

Lily: Right in one!

Lily: I'm quite smart, even if I say so myself

Frank: as much as it pains me, I have to agree with you

Lily: but how did you come to this realization?

Frank: I just saw Alice in a denim jacket and 

Frank: ksjhfskjhkshgkjh 

Lily: understandable

Lily: it looks pretty good on her, doesn't it?

Frank: understatement of the century

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello this was entirely brought to you by my stupid gay lizard brain! enjoy!
> 
> ALSO I GOT LIKE TWO COMMENTS YESTERDAY?? TWO IN THE SAME DAY?? Y'ALL ARE AMAZING HERE IS A NEW CHAPTER


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking about putting some prose in here, but this is first and foremost a text fic so idk. do y'all think it could be good?

**Group chat: no more wrestling in the living room guys**

Regulus: O my god why do I have so many missed messages??

James: It uh

James: took a while before we knew you had no wifi

Regulus: so you decided to just give me a live-feed of everything that was going on???

Regulus: I mean sure, the whole wrestling match was interesting

Regulus: but I do not need to know what everyone ate for breakfast???

Regulus: or at what time they went to bed???

Lily: wow james that's lame

Regulus: says the one who send me like... a hundred bad pick-up lines

Lily: they weren't bad!

Regulus: "was your mother a beaver? because damn"

Lily: okay fine not my best work

Regulus: my mother is not a beaver

Regulus: she's a bitch

Lily: agreed

Sirius: have to agree

James: spitting facts

Remus: oh wow truth

Marlene: no printer just fax

Dorcas: true

Lily: speaking of... how'd it go?

Regulus: I'm disowned!

James: nice! you doing okay tho?

Regulus: ehh who cares

Regulus: I got pics of the googly eyes! 

**Private chat: James Potter >Lily Evans**

James: I know I'm overbearing and shit

James: but I don't 

James: like Regulus' reaction

Lily: me neither

James: any plans?

Lily: maybe

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Dorcas Meadowes**

Lily: hypothetically speaking

Lily: would my flirting cheer someone up?

Lily: Seeing as it is, and I quote: "a joke"

Dorcas: just go and unleash them on Regulus

Dorcas: in a "hypothetical situation" that would cheer them up yes

Lily: hey you know what would also cheer them up in a hypothetical situation?

Dorcas: well?

Lily: well their parents are transphobic as fuck 

Lily: so maybe a reminder that their identity is totally acknowledged by us

Lily: maybe even some... solidarity from someone else who's also trans...

Dorcas: why am i even friends with you

Dorcas: but, fine

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Regulus Black**

Genius: I have something for you!

Regulus: what is it?

Genius: feelings!

Regulus: I... don't know why I expected anything different

Genius: Are you the underside of my laptop?

Genius: 'Cause you're hot and you're making me nervous

Regulus: wow I thought they couldn't get worse

Genius: yes im truly gifted

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Regulus Black**

Dorcas: you doing okay?

Regulus: eh better than before

Regulus: why the sudden question tho?

Dorcas: really? you just came back from hell 

Dorcas: also I gotta look out for my trans buddy!

Regulus: are we trans buddies now?

Dorcas: um obviously? unless you, like, don't vibe with the word trans

Dorcas: I know you're non-binary but I thought it maybe still applied?

Dorcas: but we can be assigned-gender-is-stupid-buddies?

Regulus: no no trans buddies is fine 

Regulus: I like it

**Group chat: yes no more wrestling in the living room. Next time in the kitchen there are more potential weapons there**

Marlene: wait I just realized

Marlene: is Remus' nickname Moony because he mooned that beach?

Dorcas: No, it's because he's constantly mooning over Sirius

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >Dorcas Meadowes**

Remus: Do you really want to do this?

Remus: because I'll take revenge

Dorcas: wow I suddenly regret all my life decisions

**Group chat: What the fuck there aren't even weapons in wrestling. right?**

Remus: in that case, why don't we call Dorcas Pine Tree?

Remus: you know, for all that pining she's doing for Marlene

Marlene: ??? why does everybody keep saying everyone is in love with everyone??

Marlene: its confusing as fuck

**Private chat: Marlene McKinnon >Remus Lupin**

Marlene: What the hell???

Marlene Look I get that it is, like, an inside joke

Marlene: but it's also confusing as shit and i want it to stop

Marlene: or be true

Remus: Shit, Marls, I'm sorry

Remus: I should have considered your feelings too

Remus: I'm really sorry it won't happen again

Marlene: yeah it's

Marlene: it's okay

Marlene: where does it even come from though

Marlene: I'm not _that_ obvious, am I?

Remus: no it's just

Remus: you are in the Jegulily group chat right?

Marlene: yeah?

Remus: there's a Dorlene one

Marlene: oh

Marlene: that makes... sense I guess

Marlene: since im a lesbean and there aren't any girls left

Marlene: but fuck why does it still suck so much?

Remus: What does?

Marlene: it's just

Marlene: it's bad enough that _I'm_ constantly wondering about

Marlene: us 

Marlene: and about how _good_ we could be together

Marlene: but now you guys are too apparently??

Marlene: and that makes it so real or something???

Marlene: like maybe I _do_ have a chance and the only reason I've survived so far is because I had convinced myself I did not

Marlene: and im afraid to hope because it will hurt _so_ much when she doesn't feel the same

Marlene: but what if there _is_ a chance and im just wasting all this time?

Remus: that erm

Remus: does indeed suck

Remus: fuck ill make it up to you i promise

**Group chat: Dorlene FTW!!!**

Remus: i have my reasons for this but im not going to share them

**Remus Lupin has deleted the chat**

**Group chat: NO wrestling. NO WHERE**

Lily: that moony thing??? was about three years ago?????

Regulus: it was a _week_ ago

Lily: still you're only realizing that now?

Dorcas: makes you wonder why James is called Prongs...

James: nahhh nobody wants to know that right?

James: Right???

Regulus: I would like to see it

Sirius: well then!!

Sirius: Even as a young lad, our boy James Potter was ridiculously up-beat and optimistic

Sirius: (except for when he was near Snivellus or other disgusting things)

Sirius: so he put an incredible amount of energy into his plans and pranks!!

Remus: then I, happy to have friends, made the mistake of showing this by giving them gifts

Marlene: can all of you??? just finish each other's sentences???

Sirius: he got James a book on planning and strategy and other things

Remus: there were a lot of what Sirius and James would call 'fancy words' in the book, and James decided to use them!

Sirius: We luckily got him to drop most of them

Remus: but for some reason he had an unusual attachment to the word 'prongs'

Peter: which has multiple definitions, of course, but James used it as: each of the separate parts of an attack or operation, typically approaching a place or subject from different positions.

Marlene: Peter??? you too?? how??? is this a marauders thing??

Sirius: and we got so tired of it that we decided that James needed to grow tired of it too

Remus: so we started calling _him_ prongs.

Peter: also because he once had a fork stuck in his hair for two weeks

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >Dorcas Meadowes**

Remus: soo how do you feel about confessing to Marlene?

Remus: preferably this same day

Dorcas: what the fuck

Dorcas: I might want to confess someday, maybe

Dorcas: but why today?

Remus: because Marlene is sitting on her balcony

Remus: and ive got a speaker box here

Remus: so go out into the yard and play some girl in red or smth

Dorcas: I must admit that I have also noticed that Marlene loves those romantic clichés

Remus: does she? 

Dorcas: yes?? she always tries to hide her smile when something like that happens 

Dorcas: if you didn't know then why did you even suggest this??

Remus: it would be easier to play off as a joke

Dorcas: ...

Dorcas: okay

Remus: nice i have already put the box outside your room

Remus: keep me updated!

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >James Potter**

Dorcas: okay James I need a peptalk 

Dorcas: but I can't tell you what for

Dorcas: so do your thing please?

James: no matter what, you got this!

James: Dorcas, I've been able to call you my friend for multiple, beautiful years now

James: and if there's one thing I know, it's that you can do what you set your mind on

James: you're resourceful, fast and determined

James: you're kind, funny, and a good person all around

James: I do not know what you're going to do, no

James: but I do know that you're going to do it

James: and you're going to do it beautifully

Dorcas: but what if I fail?

James: then you'll fail

Dorcas: o wow, really? what a surprise

James: but you will have done it, you will know what it was like, and you'll never keep wondering

James: I, personally, don't think you're going to fail

James: you've already overcome so much in your life, and you're so incredibly strong

James: the chance that you fail is incredibly slim

James: if this fails, you will not break

Dorcas: I

Dorcas: thank you

Dorcas: I'm going to do the thing now

James: good luck! you got this!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I have never watched Say Anything. But I did listen to quite a few Girl In Red songs for this!

Dorcas had a plan. It was not a very good one, nor very well thought out, but it was approved by (one of her) friends! 

The plan was this: Dorcas would confess to Marlene in the cheesiest way possible, Marlene would pretend to hate it but admit she had feelings too, and then they'd kiss and ride off into the sunset.

The plan was this: doomed to fail.

 _No,_ Dorcas berated herself, _don't start thinking like that. You'll be fine_ _. Take this step by step._

1) Pick out an outfit.

Dorcas wasn't the most fashionable, really, and most of the time she just threw on whatever clothes were closest by, but she didn't think it would be very romantic to show up in sweatpants and an oversized shirt, and, fuck, she wanted this to be romantic. She wanted this to be romantic and cheesy and _perfect._

It would hurt more this way if her feelings weren't reciprocated, but on the incredibly small chance that Marlene liked her too, this would be a beautiful memory. Either way, Marlene was the kind of person who deserved at least one elaborate, dramatic confession in her life, and _someone_ had to do it. 

She went with the suit, in the end, because Marlene had given a... sort of positive reaction to that.

2) Pick the song that you're going to play.

Dorcas trusted Remus. One of the main reasons she had picked this day to confess was because he'd suggested it. Therefore, when she was too nervous to think logically, she decided to go with his other suggestion too.

From all the songs by Girl In Red, she decided on: _i wanna be your girlfriend_ , because, well, it seemed only fitting.

3) Walk out of the door, c'mon, you can do it!

This ended up being the hardest step. But after Dorcas had told herself once again that Remus wouldn't advise her to do this if he thought it'd end badly, and after re-reading James' messages once again, she somehow made it.

It felt like she could vomit butterflies any moment now, but she kept walking.

4) Realize that you still need to connect the speaker and the music, you dumbass.

She was already outside the moment she followed this step, and ran back quickly to get the speaker.

5) Get under Marlene's balcony without her seeing you.

This step took a bit longer, because Dorcas paused for a moment to pick some flowers, for both the maximum romantic effect, and for a bit of time to calm her nerves.

After that it was just a matter of walking as stealthily as she could. Luckily for her, Marlene was reading on the sunlit balcony, and didn't notice anything. (Did you know that Marlene looked quite gorgeous while reading? No? Dorcas thought she already knew, but the realisation still overwhelmed her for a bit)

6) Play the music, confess, get rejected or become the happiest person on earth, whatever.

Dorcas hit play. Marlene didn't react at first, but looked up sharply at the exact moment the lyric _I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips_ , filled the garden, which Dorcas thinks is... _something_.

Marlene didn't move for a few moments, and Dorcas realized she had fucked up. Weirdly enough, the only thing her panicked brain focuses on in that moment is that she picked entirely the wrong song, because she _did_ want to be Marlene's friend, and the idea that she might lose that now is terrifying.

Then, Marlene laughed. It was a beautiful thing, like all Marlene's things, loud and clear, with a few snorts thrown in for good measure, and it sounds better than any song ever could.

"Really, Dork? A song beneath my balcony?"

Dorcas pauses the music, and her mouth moves on instinct. "You love it."

There's still a bit of the full-belly laugh left in Marlene's face, only it's softer, and less loud. "That I do. Any particular reason for all this?"

There's a playful hint in Marlene's eyes, and while Dorcas adores that, it also lets her know that Marlene probably thinks that this is a prank. She sighs. _In for a penny, in for a pound._ "I don't know, Marls, why do people usually play love songs beneath other people's windows?"

And god, Dorcas is happy that she wasn't thinking while saying that, because she's thinking _now_ , and she does not think that it will be possible for her to say a word ever again. Especially when Marlene stays silent.

Then Dorcas hears it. A soft, small _oh_ , reminiscent of a summer breeze, gracefully curling out like smoke from Marlene's open lips. 

Those lips close, shortly after, and Marlene seems to rearrange herself and says: "Well, If we're doing this anyway, let's give it a good ending."

And then she disappears.

7) Catch your- Catch Marlene when she comes running out of the door into your arms, and kiss her.

Dorcas enjoyed this step the most, for... obvious reasons. For example, there was the fact that Marlene looked so incredibly _happy_ when she runs up to her, and the way Marlene's voice sounded when she asked: "Can I kiss you?", and the way Marlene kissed her after Dorcas had nodded enthusiastically.

8) Gloat about your amazing girlfriend to your _very single_ friends.

**Group chat: Fuck orange-flavoured candies. only oranges can stay.**

Dorcas: James, I did The Thing!

James: Ahhh good for you!! How'd it go??

James: Wait don't say it, let me guess

James: It went well?? Congrats!

Dorcas: no

James: oh shit

James: I am SO sorry

Dorcas: nah I'm just kidding

James: I'm very mad at you I was genuinely afraid

James: But I'm also very happy for you!!! Well done!!

Dorcas: thank you

Regulus: What's going on?

Dorcas: wouldnt you like to know

Regulus: Sorry, let me repeat that

Regulus: _James_ , what's going on? What's this about?

James: I have no idea actually.

Regulus: You too??

Regulus: I expected this from Dorcas but

James: NO I really don't know!

James: If I knew I would tell you!

Regulus: ... okay makes sense

Regulus: Is it weird that it makes more sense that you REALLY don't know what you're talking about in a seemingly normal conversation

Regulus: instead of you lying to us?

Regulus: I feel like it's weird

Sirius: Nahh that's just James

Remus: You mean, James is just weird?

Sirius: Hey that's my brother you're talking about!

Sirius: (you're absolutely right tho)

Remus: (i know)

Lily: back on topic guys

Lily: Dorcas what is this about?

Dorcas: oh, y'know, I did The Thing

Dorcas: keep up, I already said that in my first message

Lily: what is The Thing?

Dorcas: oh, y'know, nothing special

Dorcas: Just confessing to my crush

Lily: _MARLENE???_

Remus: nice

Sirius: damn Marlene, how do you feel about that?

Peter: I'm happy for you two!

James: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James: Amazing!!!!!

Regulus: Marlene is one lucky gal

Dorcas: who says it was Marlene?

Remus: em I don't know, maybe the four years of pining?

Lily: maybe the longing glances?

Sirius: Maybe ALL of the blushing??

Regulus: My guess is the lingering touches. Like every time there's SO. MUCH. tension. SO. MUCH.

James: Oh! I'm placing my bets on the fact that Marlene is the only one who you buy birthday gifts that cost more than just your spare change! (not that we mind! the key chain was lovely)

Marlene: HAH that's gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a bit longer than usual for this update, and next week is really, REALLY busy for me, so it will probably be a weeek or two until you see me again. (but, like, REALLY busy, like, I should-not-even-be-writing-this-chapter busy. but oh well)
> 
> I ADORE kudos and comments so much!! oh, and if you're in the mood, come visit my [tumblr](https://vaindumbass.tumblr.com/) (you can even give me a prompt!)


	7. Chapter 7

**Group chat: Single people + Dorcas and Marlene**

Regulus: Okay which one of you assholes ruined my flowers

Regulus: If you admit it now, no one will get hurt

Regulus: at least not in a lethal way 

Dorcas: ehh that might've been me?

Regulus: what the FUCK did you need them for? 

Regulus: it better be important

Lily: I don't think I've ever heard you curse this much

Lily: you care for these flowers a lot, don't you, buttercup?

Regulus: I'm going to ignore that atrocious pun/pet name while I wait for Dorcas' answer.

Dorcas: oh, it was very important

Regulus: really? what was it for?

Dorcas: to get myself a girlfriend

Dorcas: of course, _you_ wouldn't know what that's like

Regulus: remember when I said I wouldn't kill anyone?

Regulus: yes I take that back

Lily: oh but you kill every day

Lily: by being so drop-dead gorgeous!

Regulus: I just keep adding people to my kill list wow

James: well, it's not that bad, right?

James: they'll grow back!

**Private chat: James Potter >Remus Lupin**

James: Remus?

Remus: yeah?

James: Everyone else in the house (except for us) 

James: just walked into the kitchen

James: took out a shot glass, filled it with water

James: and then they all drank it, at exactly the same moment??

James: What's going on??

Remus: James...

Remus: Have you tried... asking them.

James: no

Remus: but james-

James: I HAD A GOOD REASON

Remus: let's hear it

James: They were scary okay?? they did this all with a VERY eerie silence!!

Remus: sorry to tell you mate, but that is not what most people would call a 'good reason'

Remus: In fact, most sane people would call it a terrible, terrible reason

James: It seemed like they were all doing some kind of sacred ritual!!

James: What if they were doing a ritual for world peace?? what then?? would you want me to be responsible for all the wars in the world???

Remus: yea still seems like a bad reason to me

James: :(

James: fine ill ask someone else

Remus: really?? most of your friends live in this house and are, apparently, involved in 'sacred rituals'

James: hey you are my friend too!! I love you!!

Remus: oh no i did not mean it that way im involved in sacred rituals too 

Remus: love you too

**Private chat: James Potter >Peter Pettigrew**

James: Peter!!

James: are you involved in any 'sacred rituals'?

Peter: ... no?

James: oh thank god

James: Everyone here is drinking water and I do not trust it

Peter: hate to break it to you buddy but

Peter: water is kinda important for staying alive?

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >James Potter**

Remus: i know that you have like one (1) other friend but I doubt Peter knows anything about this

Remus: nor does frank or alice i think.

James: speaking of Peter, he reminded me of something important..

Remus: really? what?

James: that you are a dehydrated, meal-skipping little-

Remus: I doubt Peter would EVER say anything like that

James: bottom line: you should drink some water!!

James: although, to be fair, any liquid would do!

James: or if youre not feeling the liquid texture, we have cucumbers!

James: those are 95% percent water you could eat those!

Remus: while these cucumber facts have been fascinating

Remus: I'm going to do something actually useful now

James: you know what's 'actually useful'?

Remus: ...

Remus: ...staying hydrated?

James: STAYING HYDRATED!!!!!!!!!

Remus: yea bye

James: ..bi

Remus: god you spend too much time with Lily

James: impossible!

**Group chat: Single people + Dorcas and Marlene**

James: So,,eh

James: Everyone doing okay??

Sirius: absolutely fine! why?

James: you have all been acting a bit,,,weird is all

James: But you're right

Sirius: I am???

James: Everyone is probably fine! Y'all know what you're doing

**Private chat: James Potter >Remus Lupin**

James: REMUS THEY DID IT AGAIN

James: REMUS!!!

James: IM IN AGONY!!!

Remus: god look ill repeat myself ONCE

Remus: how about... asking them?

James: ehhh

Remus: otherwise ill 

Remus: erm

Remus: be sad :(

James: I'm going, I'm going!!

Remus: :D

**Group chat: Single people + the perfect couple**

James: why did everyone just come to the kitchen to drink water?

Marlene: we need to make sure everyone is doing it!

Regulus: otherwise people could skip we can't have that

James: that,,,

James: answered literally none of my questions.

Dorcas: shame.

James: please?

Lily: it's a drinking game

James: oh..okay? when do you drink?

Sirius: whenever you are being ridiculously optimistic

James: me???? your drinking game is about me???

James: also why isn't it with, you know, alcohol?

Dorcas: we'd get alcohol poisoning

James: oh

James: well, at least you're staying hydrated!

Dorcas: JAMES

Dorcas: NO 

Dorcas: PLEASE

Dorcas: IVE ALREADY DRUNK SO MUCH IT FEELS LIKE IM GOING TO BURST

Marlene: please,,,stop,,,I feel like I'm more water than human at this point

Regulus: I never thought I would say this but

Regulus: please no more optimism for a while my stomach is drowning

Lily: james water you doing? stop it 

James: sorry guys

Sirius: it's fine we expected nothing less

James: I'll do better in the future!

Lily: fuck does this...?

Sirius: yes it counts

Dorcas: JAMES!!! 

Sirius: you cruel, cruel, relentlessly optimistic and happy man

**Private chat: James Potter >Sirius Black**

James: remus didnt come into the kitchen

Sirius: yeah he didn't join us

James: but then he isn't drinking water!

James: could you bring him some?

Sirius: dont worry, I've already done that

James: oh? interesting...

Sirius: shut up

**Group chat: Wolfstar should be canon already!! we did it with dorlene we can do it again!**

James: [screenshot.jpg](https://youtu.be/AyOqGRjVtls?t=18)

Marlene: oh the inherent homoerotocism of keeping each other alive

James: I know right???

Dorcas: Idk, do you? can you recognize homoerotocism without a homoerotic relationship yourself? what do you think, babe?

Marlene: I doubt it, babe

Lily: we get it you two have a homoerotic relationship 

Lily: congrats

Marlene: thank you!

**Private chat: Regulus Black >Dorcas Meadowes**

Regulus: you know what? I agree with James that it's good that we're staying hydrated

Regulus: you know what should also stay hydrated? :)

Dorcas: well?

Regulus: MY FUCKING PLANTS

Regulus: BUT THEY CANT

Regulus: YOU KNOW WHY???

Dorcas: ... because I took them?

Regulus: BECAUSE YOU TOOK THEM

Dorcas: I really didn't know they meant that much to you

Dorcas: I'm sorry

Regulus: its not that its just

Regulus: I put a lot of work into them? and they are like, the one thing I can control and not fuck up?

Dorcas: erm okay first of all you dont fuck anything up so jot that down

Dorcas: second of all, I could help you in the garden? when is a good time for you?

Regulus: two o'clock tomorrow is okay

Dorcas: I'll be there!

**Group chat: Single people + one (1) homoerotic relationship**

Peter: so just to be clear...

Peter: that whole drinking game thing was the 'sacred ritual' right

James: yeah

Marlene: excuse me

Marlene: the whole drinking game was the WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo im back! hope y'all enjoyed!


	8. Chapter 8

**Private chat: Regulus Black >Dorcas Meadowes**

Regulus: Rise and shine!

Regulus: Time to work on some plants! :)

Dorcas: ughhhh it's so early

Regulus: should've thought of that before you stole my flowers :)

Dorcas: I'll be honest with you, I was hoping that you'd let me off the hook because I apologized

Regulus: sorry to crush your dreams :)

Dorcas: will you please STOP using that weird smiley thing it's creeping me out

Regulus: no :)

Dorcas: come on we're trans buddies! trans buddies are allowed to sleep in!

Regulus: correction: trans buddies who didn't cut off mY FLOWERS are allowed to sleep in :) 

Dorcas: it's not like you had a better use for it

Regulus: you don't know that! maybe I was going to use them to confess, too

Dorcas: were you?

Regulus: no but that's not the point

Regulus: the point is that you need to get up because it's time to work on some plants! :)

Dorcas: ughhhhhh

Dorcas: we better be done in time because I have a hot date today

Dorcas: ever heard of that, a date? it's the thing you do once you have CONFESSED to the people you like

Regulus: keep this up and we'll be working until dawn

Regulus: :)

**Group chat: the REAL superior group chat (aka the group chat with Alice and Frank)**

Regulus: ALICE

Regulus: WHEN are you coming over again

Alice: erm

Alice: Soon?

Regulus: Make it sooner I NEED someone who can actually work with plants

Dorcas: harsh

Regulus: did I lie though?

Dorcas: ... no

Alice: oh dear what happened

Regulus: Dorcas doesn't even know the difference between weeds and MINT PLANTS

Dorcas: I'm sorry okay??

Dorcas: maybe...I should just stop.. working with plants

Lily: so this was your... PLANt all along?

Lily: we may need you to LEAF our house

Regulus: Dorcas, you'll be fine

Regulus: I'll just have to monitor you closely :)

Dorcas: god I hate that emoji

Lily: I know right? it seems innocent but it actually STEMS from a dark, dark place

**Private chat: Regulus Black >James Potter**

Regulus: okay you didn't get this information from me but

Regulus: Dorcas and Marlene have a date today

James: wow I wonder why you'd tell me this haha

James: purely out of curiosity, where will they go?

James: I need to know for... reasons

Regulus: Idk, just stalk them

James: Why I'd never!

**Group chat: Marauders**

James: we gotta stalk Dorcas and Marlene

Remus: yeah James it's your turn

James: can't Peter do it? :(

Peter: Sure!

Remus: ...

Remus: really? Peter is a two hours drive away

Peter: oh right

Peter: forgot that for a bit

James: :(

James: but he's our best spy!

James: but I guess it's fine if at least Sirius and Remus come with me to the date

Sirius: sure

Remus: what are our disguises?

James: well I have a wig

Sirius: I want that one!

James: the mustache and glasses combo

Remus: Really? do you really think that'll work

James: it's a classic!

James: and that's it.

Remus: wait what? what am I supposed to wear?

James: just make something yourself! 

Remus: fuck okay how much time do you have

James: Dorcas and Marlene just left soo

James: -2 minutes?

Remus: well i guess im doomed

**Group chat: Dorlene!! (group chat remade after we got permission from Remus)**

James: Dorcas and Marlene are on a date!! 

Sirius: they seem to be entering a coffee shop

James: Marlene held the door open for Dorcas!! I repeat: Marlene held the door open for Dorcas!!

Lily: alright thats cute

Remus: Dorcas seems to be blushing

James: Marlene too!

Regulus: if you can see that... how close to them are you guys exactly??

James: I've got binoculars

James: duh

James: did you really think we came unprepared?

Regulus: my fault sorry

Remus: oh don't be we're unprepared as FUCK

Remus: my disguise is literally a newspaper where i cut some holes in

Sirius: you can pull it off tho

**Private chat: Regulus Black >Sirius Black**

Regulus: wow Sirius if this is you trying to flirt...

Regulus: do you really think that saying someone looks good when you can't see half of their face is the best way to do it?

Sirius: shut up you're single too

Sirius: I'd like to see you do better

Regulus: As opposed to you, Sirius, I _do_ have some impulse control, so I reject your offer

Regulus: I will, however, keep making fun of you

**Groupchat: Dorlene!!! or should I say... _Date_ lene?**

Lily: wait hold up you guys have disguises

Lily: do I want to know??

Remus: no

Sirius: I've got a wig!

Regulus: good idea!! now they'll never recognize you

Regulus: bc of COURSE people remember each other by their hair. 

Regulus: faces??? what are those????

Sirius: okay first of all:

Sirius: my hair is VERY rememberable

Sirius: second of all: I'm not facing them I'm watching them in the mirror on the opposite hall

Regulus: fine but James hair is the most rememberable

James: thank you!! :D

Regulus: it wasn't a compliment

James: :(

Regulus: so what's his disguise?

Lily: as if it's possible to disguise such beauty

Lily: (that _was_ a compliment)

James: :D

James: I've got the mustache and glasses!

Regulus: you...the person who normally wears glasses... disguised yourself by wearing glasses

James: these are different ones!

Regulus: wow. i completely changed my mind. what an awesome disguise.

James: AHHH THEIR HANDS BRUSHED WHILE REACHING FOR THE BREAD

Regulus: gotta love the unnecessary detail that there's bread

Lily: I agree we didn't KNEAD it

Sirius: physical contact established

Remus: their hands are laying next to each other, Dorcas, who we all know is right-handed, is eating the bread with her left hand

Sirius: MARLENE MADE A MOVE!!

James: HER PINKIE IS OVER DORCAS' THUMB!!!

Remus: the eyecontact seems charged. it has not been broken for several minutes

James: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily: what is it?

Sirius: Marlene laid her hand fully on Dorcas!!

Regulus: nice

James: HAND KISS HAND KISS HAND KISS HAND KISS

Regulus: n i c e

Remus: o no

Lily: what???

James: their server is coming

Sirius: with menus.

Remus: the second they take these their contact will be broken.

Regulus: 'o no' indeed

James: O MY GOD WHAT A POWER MOVE

Lily: what happened??????

Sirius: hsgsks Dorcas just said: 

Remus: "oh, we don't need those, thanks."

Regulus: impressive

Sirius: now they've ordered and they're just. smiling at each other

Lily: cute

Lily: when is the wedding?

Remus: Their food arrived

Remus: the physical contact remained intact

Remus: Dorcas is STILL using her left hand

Remus: they seem to be talking about something

Sirius: wait I got this I can lipread

Remus: you cannot

Sirius: Dorcas just said: the duck...eats green...rollators

Sirius: Marlene nodded and said: sunglasses make terrific... flowers

Regulus: just give up already

Sirius: in the words of the stunning Dorcas Meadowes: you fear.. lamps

Sirius: roughly translated: no I will not 'give up already'

James: MAYDAY MAYDAY!!!!! THEY ARE LEAVING

James: (also they gave each other a quick peck when they got up. it was very cute.)

Sirius: shit fuck buggering shit

Lily: what?

Remus: they got away to fast. we're currently trying to chase them, but i don't think we'll succeed

James: don't say that!

Remus: sorry mate

**Group chat: people involved in sacred rituals + James and Peter**

Marlene: I expected this from James but Remus

Marlene: Surely you know that hiding behind a newspaper with two holes in it doesn't

Marlene: work in real life?

Marlene: I mean you can't fault James here, the big glasses+mustache combo is a classic

James: THANK YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! I'm on vacation, which means that I typed most of this chapter on my phone ( it was hell. but hey, otherwise y'all would be waiting so long and you guys deserve the best!! and the fastest!!) so anyway there are probably even more typos than usual. English is also not my first language, so it'd mean the world if you could point those mistakes out! no pressure tho.
> 
> love y'all! thanks for reading <3
> 
> ( it might also take longer before I reply to comments, sorry. i swear I will always answer them tho!)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first time writing image ID's so if anything is wrong with them, please tell me!! love y'all <3

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >James Potter**

Remus: wait what day was McGonagall visiting again??

James: Tomorrow

James: why?

Remus: Im going to try to make a cupcake for her

James: awwwwwww

Remus: shut up

James: and you dare say that Sirius and I are the only ones that see her as a mother figure

Remus: shut upp 

**Group chat: MOMGonagall's favourites**

Remus: I 

Remus: may have broken McGonagall's cup.

Dorcas: ... may have?

Remus: most definitely did

Dorcas: how??

Remus: the kitchen might also be on fire

Dorcas: MIGHT BE???

Remus: the kitchen is most definitely on fire

Dorcas: yes thanks for the clarification

Marlene: THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE????

Regulus: that's what he said yes

Marlene: ... why is everyone so relaxed about this?

Regulus: not _everyone_

Sirius: REMUS ARE YOU ALRIGHT??????????????????

Remus: no. i am dead. my burned fingers are typing this.

Sirius: fuck you

Lily: akjdfh Remus you d u m b a s s

Lily: how in the world did you manage to do that?

Remus: I am unable to answer that question, seeing as dead people cannot read

Marlene: dead people cannot read _as far as we know_

James: wow Marlene was that addition really necessary

Marlene: :)

James: WHYYYYYY

Lily: you should really just stick to cooking and leave the baking to Sirius and me

Lily: but I guess it makes sense

Remus: how so?

James: NO DON'T ENCOURAGE HER

Lily: well because

Regulus: Lily don't do it

Lily: we all get on like

James: STOPP

Lily: a house on fire

Dorcas: ...

Dorcas: hilarious.

Lily: why thank you

Dorcas: soo funny

Lily: I know

Dorcas: I'm in stitches

Marlene: you can stop the sarcasm now 

Dorcas: ugh finee

Sirius: wait but we need to focus on important matters

Marlene: indeed. where are we getting a new kitchen

Sirius: what? no. 

Sirius: where are we getting McGonagall a new mug???

James: OH SHIT. THE MUG

James: REMUS I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EVEN _THINK_ ABOUT PICKING UP THE PIECES WITH YOUR BARE HANDS I'LL

Remus: too late.

James: goddammit

James: come into the living room, I got the first aid ready

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Regulus Black**

Lily: aksjdf James takes such good care of his friends

Lily: whyyyyy is that so attractive

Regulus: Idk

Lily: oh shit

Lily: sorry this was supposed to be for Dorcas haha

Lily: again so sorry

Regulus: np!

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Regulus Black**

Dorcas: yo reg why can I hear you blast Jolene from here??

Dorcas: what did James and Lily do now

Regulus: who says they have anything to do with it?

Dorcas: ?? Jolene is your go-to pining song

Dorcas: and don't even try to deny it I can hear you wailing "and i can easily understand

Dorcas: how you could easily take my man

Regulus: But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene"

Dorcas: gods youve got it bad

Dorcas: kudos for finding a song that applies to both your pining for Lily AND James tho

Regulus: thanks i guess

Dorcas: you okay tho??

Regulus: no bc lily told me about how attractive james taking care of others was

Regulus: and the worst thing was that I AGREED WITH HER

Regulus: what was I supposed to do?? say: wow you like James too?? lets kiss

Dorcas: ...

Dorcas: it would've been a good start

Regulus: shut up

**Group chat: Minnie's favourites**

James: suggestions for a new cup for Minnie, go

Sirius: I'm glad you asked

Sirius: 

Sirius: contestant number one. It's adorable, funny, and contains a cat! What more could you want?

Dorcas: hmm for me it's a no on this one

Sirius: but why??

Dorcas: well, it's Minnie's cup, so the text should apply to her, instead of to 'cats'

James: In Sirius defence: there's no proof that Minnie ISN'T a cat

Remus: also, Minnie doesn't need a book for world domination

Dorcas: still

Sirius: 

Sirius: Contesstant number two: This mug does not only have the same excellent qualities as the last one, but I feel as if Minnie might relate to it whenever she's at our table and hears our tales

Marlene: While I completely agree with you on that, I would still keep looking since

Marlene: I don't think Minnie has ever been afraid of ANYTHING in her LIFE

Sirius: fair point

Sirius: contestant numer three:

Regulus: how many of these do you even have

Sirius: irrelevant

Sirius: 

Sirius: this one hopefully fullfills everyone's wishes?? 

Sirius: you can't possibly say this one looks terrified

Remus: Well...

Sirius: ET TU, REMUS???

Remus: you've got to admit that Minnie has, as opposed to us, some impulse control

Remus: so she doesn't do EVERYTHING she wants 

Sirius: no im still betrayed&hurt

Sirius: I'm not even going to try anymore

James: does anybody else have an idea??

Peter: 

James: PETER

James: THAT ONE IS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT

Lily: it has everything!!

Marlene: I love it

Regulus: impressive

Remus: wow beautiful!

Sirius: mine were good too :(

James: of course they were!

James: they were even so good I bought all of them!!

Lily: JAMES

Regulus: ALL OF THEM????

Lily: WHY

James: c'mon they were all adorable!!

Regulus: and McGonagall has four hands

James: what??? no she does not

James: wait hold up-

James: I see. 

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Dorcas Meadowes**

Lily: can't believe I'm a moronsexual

Dorcas: same

Lily: what Marlene is smart

Dorcas: you know what they say, you gotta love yourself

Lily: istg if you continue this I'm going to tell James you were being self-deprecating

Dorcas: NOO IM SORRY I TAKE IT BACK IM SMART AND AWESOME 

Lily: too late :)

**Private chat: James Potter > Dorcas Meadowes**

James: Dorcas noooo!!

James: you are so intelligent and funny and socially capable!!

Dorcas: you know what? I completely agree

James: oh

James: guess I'll-

James: erm

James: guess I'll just go then


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I really just said: "lets go lesbians lets goooo" huh

**Group chat: Minnie is our favourite**

Dorcas: someone pinch me

Dorcas: damn Sirius that _hurt_

Sirius: you asked for it! What was I supposed to do, _not_ hurt my good friend?

Dorcas: Obviously???

Marlene: Dorcas, I feel as if your attention has been turned away from the important thing here

Marlene: you know, the reason you asked for someone to pinch you

Dorcas: omygOD YOURE RIGHT

Dorcas: I still cannot believe it

Dorcas: y'all heard it too right??

James: Im still in shock

Lily: me too. it makes so much sense yet I'm surprised?

Peter: erm

Peter: I did not hear it

Dorcas: shit sorry Peter!!

Peter: its okay

Dorcas: basically

Dorcas: we were talking with McG

Dorcas: and she looked at the mug and smiled and said:

Dorcas: 'My wife got me one just like this."

Dorcas: !!!!!!!!!

Peter: ???

Dorcas: Her wife!!

Peter: oh

Peter: you mean you guys

Peter: didn't know?

Dorcas: what the fUCK PETER

Marlene: Minnie literally NEVER shares personal information???

Peter: maybe not with you guys she doesn't

Sirius: on one hand: i want to get mad for your smugness

Sirius: on the other hand: I NEED ALL THE INFO STAT

Peter: I actually don't know anything more than that she has a wife, I don't even know who it is tbh

Sirius: LKAJSDFHKJAFHKJHK

Remus: as I've been saying: it's Sprout

Lily: and as _I_ have been saying it's Pomfrey

Regulus: guys, give up

Regulus: it's obviously Trelawney

Marlene: YOU GUYS KNEW TOO?? 

James: _TRELAWNEY????????_

Regulus: I know but hear me out

James: on basically the first day of school she told us that Trelawney's words meant nothing

Regulus: yes but

James: Minnie has never been seen with her

Regulus: HEAR ME OUT:

Regulus: enemies to lovers

James: ohhhhhhhh

James: I am... listening

Regulus: and if they are currently wife and wife then let's be honest it would be pretty cool if they still kept up the charade

Sirius: now that you say it... I'm pretty sure that Minnie secretly smiled a little when she said how much bollocks tarot cards were

Remus: Sirius you also said that "minnie secretly smiled a little" when you somehow managed to set the toad we had to dissect on fire

Sirius: well she did!!

Remus: sure, sure

Lily: you fools.... you absolute buffoons... have you ever considered that there's only a small difference between "wife" and "wives"?

Lily: are you ABSOLUTELY sure she said the former?

James: holy shit

Regulus: Lily's genius strikes again.

Lily: so what I'm saying is... technically we could all be right

Marlene: okay but to back up a little... how often do y'all discuss McGonagall's wife/wives

Remus: haha lets not talk about that

James: PETER PETER PETER PETER PETER

Peter: yes?

James: McGonagall is on our side!

Peter: in what?

James: in that you should come live here already, obviously!

Peter: Really? What did she say?

James: she said: Where's Peter?

Peter: ...

James: she missed you!! so do we!! 

Peter: I don't know guys...

Marlene: well, your dad is better now, right? And if his condition gets worse you can leave immediately. Hell, most of us would probably go with you

James: I would!

Lily: we know, James

James: like, no questions asked!

Regulus: we know, James

Peter: well, I guess...

Peter: but what about the rent?

**Group chat: first rule of the rent: we do not talk about the rent**

**Marlene McKinnon added Peter Pettigrew**

Marlene: Peter, I guess you don't know but we don't _talk_ about the rent

James: Yup! It's technically my house so I take care of it

Peter: ...and everyone is fine with this

Sirius: not always, but that's why we _don't bring it up_

Peter: oh

Peter: and how does that work out for you?

Sirius: well... with Lily and Remus we mainly change the subject

Sirius: Dorcas just... idk I think she has been corrupted by Marlene?

Marlene: eat the rich babes! but if you can't, leeching off of them is also fine

Marlene: but yeah Dorcas just ignores it now

Sirius: I don't know if Regulus has realized that things cost money yet?

Sirius: they grew up in a rich (terrible, i know, but rich) household and came here directly after

Peter: Sirius, even _you_ know that things cost money

Sirius: rude

James: and that was everyone! 

James: we let you in on the groupchat because we assumed you were fine with it

Peter: why did you assume that??

Peter: I mean, you're right, but

Sirius: you always let us buy you snacks

James: and you helped us sneakily put them in Remus' backpack!

Peter: well thats true

James: only now we gotta change topic real fast

Peter: I got it

**Group chat: Minnie is our favourite**

Peter: wait isn't McGonagall there with you? 

Peter: are you just ignoring her??

Sirius: we wOULD NEVER

Regulus: how dare you suggest such a thing

Dorcas: dang dude I thought you had a higher opinion of us

James: PETER WHY DO YOU HURT ME SO

**Group chat: rent?? who's she??? never heard of her**

James: great work peter but

James: ouch

**Group chat: Minnie is our favourite whom we'd NEVER ignore. NEVER.**

Peter: oh sorry

Marlene: no worries!

Marlene: McGee is gone by now, although... Dorcas did give the wife update while she was still here

Dorcas: Marlene, as my girlfriend, aren't you supposed to be on my side?? and also, to love me?? not slander my name???

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Lily Evans**

Dorcas: fuck fuck fuck fuck

Dorcas: LILY WE HAVENT SAID THE L-WORD YET

Dorcas: God, I should have put my relationship before being incredibly funny

Lily: I don't know, I think it was worth it. I thought it was funny.

Dorcas: IS THIS HOW YOU GUYS FEEL WHEN I TEASE YOU ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Dorcas: CAUSE IF SO IM SORRY ILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN PLEASE HELP ME

Lily: fine

Lily: look, Dork, you're fine. It was only a joke so she won't take it seriously anyway, okay?

Dorcas: but

Dorcas: what if I want her to

Dorcas: take it seriously?

Lily: O MY GOD O MY GOD ADL;SFK

Lily: you mean it??

Dorcas: ...yeah

Lily: they grow up so fast :'D

Lily: anyway, like I said, she won't take it seriously 

Lily: and that IS good because when you've calmed down you'll realize you want to do it properly

Dorcas: how'd you know?

Lily: you literally asked her out by serenading her from beneath her balcony

Lily: do you really think it's hard to see?

Dorcas: ,,,I guess not

Dorcas: but yeah, you're right! I'll confess to her properly, and not over text

**Group chat: NEVERRRR.**

Marlene: while I AM your girlfriend, and while I AM on your side, and while I DO love you

Marlene: I don't see why that means I can't slander your name?

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Marlene McKinnon**

Sirius: Did you just Do That???

Marlene: I just Did That!!

Marlene: only freaking out a little!

Sirius: dang impressive

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Lily Evans**

Dorcas: AKSJDFHAKJSDHFKLH

Dorcas: holy shit holy shit holy shit

Lily: you can say that damn

Dorcas: what do I do??????

Lily: fuck haven't you said it back yet??

Dorcas: no??

Lily: go say it back!!!

Dorcas: right, right

Lily: go!!!

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Marlene McKinnon**

Dorcas: I love you too

Marlene: !!!!!!!! 

Marlene: great that's great nice

Dorcas: but also couldn't you let me confess in person?

Marlene: nuh-uh it was my turn to confess

Dorcas: so stubborn

Marlene: you love it

Dorcas: that I do

Marlene: anyway im still going to slander your name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here I am again, hope y'all enjoy!


	11. Chapter 11

**Group chat: Wolfstar (ironically, this group chat is without wolfstar)**

Dorcas: look guys I feel as if our efforts have died down a little 

Dorcas: but i cannot TAKE it anymore

Marlene: its true shes going crazy

Marlene: last time when Remus and Sirius hands brushed and you know, all the blushing happened

Dorcas: SO much blushing,,

Marlene: she practically screamed

Dorcas: _SO much blushing._

Marlene: we know, babe, its okay

James: You're right we should take drastic measures

James: any ideas?

Lily: well,,, 

Lily: Peter will be moving in today

Peter: I will??

Lily: you will :)

Peter: o..kay

Lily: so what if we use that as an excuse to put them in a room together?

Regulus: Lily i am so sorry but

Regulus: there are too many rooms for that

Lily: fuck.

Lily: James why does your house have so many rooms

Lily: Okay new plan: we'll ruin all the rooms so that Remus and Sirius have no choice but to room together!

James: that plan feels.. a little unhinged 

James: I'm in!

Regulus: I guess I am too

**Private chat: Marlene McKinnon >Dorcas Meadowes**

Marlene: god they are so smitten for Lily

Dorcas: I know right?? 

Marlene: maybe do them after we've fixed wolfstar?

Dorcas: Maybe

Dorcas: Maybe not, I do so enjoy rubbing our relationship in their single faces

Marlene: god youre evil

Marlene: I love you <3

Dorcas: I love you too <3

**Group chat: no wolfstar?? in MY wolfstar?? its more likely than you think**

Marlene: great if you guys fix that 

James: you guys wont be helping?

Marlene: James if I learned anything from our Hogwarts days it's that you can easily destroy a room in five seconds

James: but usually Remus and Sirius help me :(

Marlene: well, you've got Regulus and Lily now!

James: oh right! :D

Dorcas: besides...

Dorcas: we've got a date.

Dorcas: do you even know what that is?

Lily: yes, yes we do

Marlene: you guys should try it sometime

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Marlene Mckinnon**

Dorcas: MARLENE that was so bOLD

Marlene: you love it <3

Dorcas: that I do <3

**Group chat: Remus and Sirius could try a date too**

Regulus: ew why are you staring sappily at your phone

Lily: because you are there ;)

Regulus: not you. Dorcas.

Regulus: also i am literally in the same house

Dorcas: maybe if you had a girlfriend you'd understand

James: wait so you and Dorcas,,, are in the same room?

Regulus: yes, and?

James: ...

James: nothing

Lily: maybe James thinks its weird that you texted that to Dorcas

Lily: in the group chat no less

Lily: while you could have talked to her?

James: maybe I do think that, yeah

Regulus: well dont hurt your head thinking that much

Regulus: I guessed Marlene had something to do with it, and Marlene isnt in the same room

Regulus: and phones are a great way too communicate with long distances between you, did you know?

Dorcas: and they, of course, were looking for an excuse to talk to James and Lily

**Private chat: Regulus Black >Dorcas Meadowes**

Regulus: Does the trans buddyship mean nothing to you?

Regulus: how dare you betray me like this

Dorcas: alright im sorry

Dorcas: to make it up to you I'll,,, work with your plants again

Regulus: no thank you

Dorcas: I'll... never touch your plants again?

Regulus: that's better

**Group chat: Finally Peter will have a real reason to be in this chat**

Remus: Do I WANT to know why the entire house stinks of rotten eggs

Lily: Probably not

Regulus: no

James: you definitely do not

Remus: Cool

Remus: tell me anyway

**Group chat: Look if Remus and Sirius were in this chat it would kind of defeat the purpose**

James: fuckkk

Lily: what do we do what do we DO

Regulus: well, we could always tell them that we've been deliberately throwing rotten eggs in rooms

Lily: ugghhh

James: Regulus youve made a cover story before can you do it again?

James: Please?

Lily: It'd be great if you could

Regulus: ugh fine

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Regulus Black**

Dorcas: You are SO whipped

Regulus: I believed we have already talked about this

Dorcas: hey i didn't say it in the group chat this time!

Dorcas: that has to count for something

Regulus: Hm

Regulus: Back up my story and we're even

**Group chat: You know what Peter can pick the movie tonight**

Regulus: are you SURE you want to know

Remus: yes.

Regulus: fine

Regulus: Well, Dorcas wanted some eggs

Sirius: why?

Regulus: oh she can't tell the difference between a bad and a good one, so she got scammed

Regulus: right, Dorcas?

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Regulus Black**

Dorcas: fuck you

Regulus: dont forget to back up my story :)

**Group chat: Movie night!!**

Dorcas: yea eggs are... weird little things

Dorcas: how was i supposed to know they were rotten?

Regulus: but once Dorcas found out she was so ashamed she could only think that she needed to get rid of it!

Regulus: She didn't think!

Regulus: so she just threw it in the nearest rooms

Regulus: kind of a dumb move, if you ask me

Sirius: are you sure this happened? 

Sirius: Dorcas?

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Regulus Black**

Dorcas: fUCK you

Regulus: :)

**Group chat: oh and the plot thickens,,, just like the smell of rotten eggs**

Dorcas: yeah look I panicked okay

Dorcas: I'm sorry

Remus: no worries it's a fun story

Marlene: okay I got the air freshener!

Marlene: now our home will smell like 'beautiful summer morning wind' 

Marlene: instead of 'the essence of Dorcas' shame and stupidity' 

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Marlene McKinnon**

Dorcas: you know, as my girlfriend, I'm pretty sure you're legally obligated to be on my side

Marlene: if that's the case

Dorcas: yes?

Marlene: maybe I should break up with you

Dorcas: okay fine take someone else's side as much as you want

Marlene: love you too <3

Dorcas: ...

Dorcas: <3

**Group chat: what the fuck even is summer morning wind. you can't even smell it. HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY ITS BEAUTIFUL YOU CAN'T _SEE_ IT**

Sirius: you know, I'm not really sure if this smell is better

Remus: I am

Remus: Peter, I'm sorry this smell is what welcomes you into the house

Peter: oh it's fine!

Peter: I'm already glad to have a room here, you know

Remus: yea so about that...

Remus: yours is a bit ruined

Peter: oh

Remus: you can sleep in mine

Sirius: and then where will _you_ sleep?

James: I mean,, Sirius is the only one with a double bed

**Group chat: Ririus. Semus. Okay fine maybe wolfstar is a decent name**

Lily: doesnt Marlene have a double bed

Marlene: shhh that's not relevant right now

**Group chat: why are everybody's beds singles?? They should put a ring on it**

Remus: I guess I could sleep there 

Remus: only if Sirius is okay with it tho

Sirius: yeah that's totally fine! You're welcome anytime!

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Sirius Black**

Dorcas: "You're welcome anytime!" 

Sirius: I panicked okay

**Group chat: Wolfstar**

James: well done lads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a guess what movie Peter picked (hint: it starts with 'r' and ends with 'atatouille')


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is fine. Sure, he has a heart attack whenever Sirius looks at him, but it's not like anyone has ever died of a heart attack, have they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay guys i have no idea what happened but there is some ~innuendo~ in here so if you want to skip that you just need to not read the conversation between Dorcas and Remus! i promise that part isnt really important to the plot (mostly because there is no plot but,,, yknow)

Remus was in Sirius' room. He'd been there before, of course he had, but at that point it hadn't seemed as foreign and dangerous as it did now. The bed had just seemed like a good place to sleep, not a potential death trap. Also, at that time the vague scent of rotten eggs had been absent. Most importantly, he hadn't been about to sleep in the same room as his life-long crush.

But he was fine! Absolutely fine. He could deal with Sirius coming out of the bathroom in his pyjamas, barefeeted, with his hair loose and a smile on his face, looking so utterly _unguarded_. (Maybe Remus wasn't entirely fine.) 

"Okay," Sirius said, "which side of the bed do you want?" 

Remus swallowed. He could do this, he'd talked to Sirius without fucking up before, hadn't he? "You know me, I play for both sides."

It was an awful pun, truly, and normally only Lily would have laughed at it, but Sirius did too. (Remus was _fine_. Heart attacks where common, weren't they? Especially when Sirius was around.) 

"You should be fine with taking the right then, right?"

"Right." Their eyes met, and Remus didn't know wether it was the absurd amount of times they had said 'right', or the weird tension that had hung between them all afternoon, but soon they were doubled over in laughter. As always, Remus was hyperaware of Sirius' laugh, of the way it traveled up and down and seemed to fill the whole room with a low, bark-like sound.

The sound slowly dissipates, but Sirius' eyes are still crinkled at the corners when he passes his hand along them. "Right." he says, and again Remus can't seem to stop himself from laughing. He stops sooner than feels natural, overtly aware of the fact that Sirius' isn't laughing along, but just _looking_ at him. Immediately, it feels as if the awkwardness has returned and has made its heavy home on Remus' shoulders. 

"I've got to- I'll go change." Remus doesn't look back when he walks out of the room, skin crawling. 

In the one bathroom that hasn't become inhabitable because of the smell of rotten eggs, Remus takes out his phone, not even a little bit surprised at the messages that await him. 

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Remus Lupin**

Dorcas: so,,,, you sleeping with Sirius yet?

Remus: really, Dorcas?

Dorcas: I meant in the literal way, of course :) 

Remus: of course

Remus: and no, I am not

Dorcas: dangg why are you waiting to bed him?

Remus: 'bed him'?

Dorcas: share a bed with him* 

Remus: right.

**Private chat: James Potter >Remus Lupin**

James: how's it going? 

Remus: just fine thank you

Remus: why wouldn't I be fine?

James: oh, I don't know

James: maybe because you're about to share a bed with your crush??

Remus: I'm fine

James: damn so it's,, not going well huh

Remus: ... maybe

James: you've got this!

Remus: thanks prongs

**Private chat; Peter Pettigrew >Remus Lupin**

Peter: Dorcas said you were sleeping with Sirius???????????????

Remus: I am not

Peter: oh 

Peter: alright 

Peter: If you want the room back you can

Remus: Thanks Pete, but I'm fine

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Remus Lupin**

Lily: so have you asked him out yet?

Remus: have you asked james and regulus out yet?

Lily: I have the vague feeling as if our answers may be the same

Remus: they might be, yes

Lily: so how is everything going?

Remus: fine, really

Lily: hmm

Lily: then get off your phone and get him

* * *

Sirius had never before had a problem with having slight insomnia. At first, it had mainly been because of nightmares, and he still had those regularly, but now he could also wake up in the middle of the night without any prompting. And never before had he had a problem with that. But, turns out, waking up in the middle of the night with the arm of one Remus Lupin around you is quite different from waking up in the middle of the night on your own. 

The biggest problem? Sirius liked it a little bit too much. 

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Marlene McKinnon**

Sirius: marlene I'm so sorry I made fun of you when you were cuddled up to Dorcas

Marlene: you're forgiven

Marlene: as long as you tell me what prompted this

Sirius: okay so

Sirius: hypothetically, Remus may have an arm around me

Marlene: and hypothetically, how do you feel about that?

Sirius: okay this is going to sound stupid but

Sirius: I feel weirdly safe tbh

Marlene: gods thats cute

Sirius: no matter!! why are you still awake

Marlene: could ask you the same thing

Marlene: its fine if you want to change the subject, but I'd recommend picking a topic that we haven't gone over many times before

Marlene: you sleep badly, I sleep badly 

Sirius: we really do huh

Marlene: although,,, since I've purchased a Girlfriend (tm) those issues have been less frequent,,,

Sirius: well, I don't want a girlfriend but thank you

Marlene: im no expert but maybe a boyfriend would work too

Sirius: marlene

Sirius: topics i was trying to avoid, remember

Marlene: what? I was just talking about a hypothetical boyfriend

Marlene: no real people!!

Marlene: especially no real people who are currently sharing a bed with you ahaha

Sirius: wow youre almost as good at being inconspicious as james

Marlene: that wasn't a compliment was it

Marlene: anyway, i gotta get back to my significant other (because i have one) and ill try sleeping again

Marlene: truly motivating, someone's arms to sleep in

Marlene: but you wouldn't know what I mean, of course

Sirius: of course

He realizes Marlene was right. Most of the time, he would have stayed up for a while, maybe even have gotten out of bed. But here, lying on his back, Remus' arm around him, he finds that he wants to stay. With a sigh, he turns his head. Remus is sleeping peacefully, his jaw slack, his curls splayed out around him. 

With a startling clarity, he realizes he wants this more often. Forever, if possible. He knew he liked Remus already, but this feels bigger. It feels as if in this huge and cold universe he, small as he is, has found some warmth. 

He curls an arm around Remus, and pulls his warmth closer.

Then, there are brown eyes blinking up at him. "What time issit?" 

Sirius head is empty, his mouth too. He says nothing, then scrapes his throat, looks at Remus again, and says: "Four o'clock, I think." 

"Oh, guess I can go back to sleep." Remus says. Then: "remind me to ask you out in the morning." 

Incredulously, Sirius looks at him. "I- I will? You can also do it now if you want." 

"Wait." Remus pulls away. "This is not a dream?" 

"It certainly feels like one." Sirius laughs, still a litlle disbelievingly. "But I don't think it is." 

"Oh." Remus sits up, pulling the covers down a little. "Well then. Would you want to go out with me, sometime?" 

Sirius' grin feels too wide for his face, but he can't find it in himself to care. "Absolutely." 

The covers rustle when Remus lays back down, and then they simply lay under the covers for a while, looking at each other, giddy grins mirrored on each other's faces. 

Until Remus yawns. "I really do need to sleep, though. See you in the morning?" 

"Of course.' 

* * *

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Remus Lupin**

Lily: so, are you still fine?

Remus: no

Remus: im great, actually!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's clear those last messages were the morning after, and I also hope you liked it!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i really peaked with the bro-code joke akljf

Lily: did you just say it went GREAT??

Lily: so much positivity,,,, who are you and what have you done with remus lupin

Lily: James did you take Remus' phone?

Remus: ha. ha. ha.

Remus: you are. So funny

Lily: thank you!! I try

Lily: anyway, what has gotten into you?

Lily: was the bedsharing simply That Good

Remus: why, yes. I've got a date

Lily: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily: with Sirius? 

Remus: who,,, else?

Lily: the monster under your bed? idk man

Remus: yes its with Sirius

Lily: cool mind telling the people in the groupchat?

Remus: ?? why??

Lily: the public DESERVES to know esp after all the effort we put in

Remus: what effort

Remus: LILY WHAT EFFORT

**Groupchat: i didnt think i could ever hate anything as much as i currently hate the smell of rotten eggs. guess im finally reaching my full potential. my mom would be proud**

Lily: Remus has something to tell you guys

Remus: lily shut the fuck up

Lily: no <3

Lily: Remus has got a date

Lily: with Sirius

James: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James: nice

Dorcas: congrats

Sirius: very cool

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Sirius Black**

Lily: aksjhf yes Sirius im aware you think its cool

Lily: would've been a bit weird that you said yes otherwise

Sirius: hey, how could I be sure it was romantic????

Sirius: i mean i thought so

Sirius: but how could i be sure

Lily: oh i dont know maybe becaUSE HE SPOONED YOU FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT

Sirius: ...

Sirius: you know what, good point

Lily: THANK YOU

**Group chat: Remus are you sure rotten eggs have no redeeming qualities? such as... getting you a date?**

Remus: Lily has something to explain too!

Regulus: oh?

Lily: oh??

Remus: apparently there was some,,, matchmaking involved

Remus: by some of the people in this group chat

James: oh was there? ahahaha how funny

Remus: ok so obviously James was involved

Remus: Peter would never betray us like that so its not him

Peter: thank you Remus

Sirius: If Lily and James were involved, Regulus probably was too

Regulus: what's THAT supposed to mean?

Remus: oh good thinking

Sirius: but are Dorcas and Marlene in?

Remus: hmm

Remus: OH FUCK

Sirius: ??????

Remus: PLEASE TELL ME YOU GUYS DIDN'T SPREAD ROTTEN EGGS ON PURPOSE

James: we... didn't?? why'd you think that?? ahaha

Remus: YOU DID???

Sirius: wait so the rotten eggs story wasn't true?

Sirius: I thought I finally had some good blackmail on Dorcas 

Dorcas: never.

Remus: do,, you guys see that you might have gone a _little_ bit too far

Remus: It STILL smells of rotten eggs and as you well know i hate it A Lot

Marlene: yea in hindsight it has some nasty side-effects

Marlene: but it was worth it!

Remus: im sorry but no it was not

Sirius: really? 

Remus: ... maybe it was 

James: !!!!!!! you guys are so cute 

Remus: shut the fuck up

**Private chat: Remus Lupin >Sirius Black**

Remus: they do not seem to understand the gravity of the situation

Sirius: what situation??

Remus: lets take revenge

Sirius: im in

Sirius: but id still like to know what situation

Remus: about the rotten eggs

Sirius: ah

Sirius ok what're you thinking

Remus: ok so a western Brady, but weve got to get everyone out of the house first

Sirius: consider it done

**Group chat: fine rotten eggs have one (1) redeeming quality. and THOUSANDS of flaws**

Sirius: hey guys, Remus and I kinda wanted to have our date night at the house?

Sirius: just the two of us?

Dorcas: how scandalous

James: oh thats cool!! we'll clear out

Regulus: have fun

Remus: also, James, no matter how much you want to

Remus: no spying alright?

James: :(

James: alright

**Private chat: Sirius Black >Remus Lupin**

Sirius: I trust you've got the eggs?

Remus: what do you take me for?? of course i have the eggs

Sirius: ok lets goo

Remus: i just had an idea, u kno, to go FULL Western Brady 

Sirius: oh??

Remus: just leave our room clear okay?

Sirius: 'our' 

Remus: asfdj shut UP

Sirius: wasnt saying anything

Remus: yes you were i can sense your smugness from here

Sirius: oh you mean from where im sitting

Sirius: in 'our' room

Remus: fuck off

**Group chat: do people just. claim the house now**

James: hey are you guys done? the pet shop won't let me pet the puppies anymore :(

Lily: damn thats sad

Regulus: buy the pet shop

James: :D great idea!

Lily: James, no!! people dont just buy pet shops 

James: :( alright

Regulus: buy,,, a pet?? people do that right

James: ohhh even better! 

Lily: no. 

James: :(

Lily: if you do want a pet everyone has to agree first u kno

Lily: you aren't the only person that lives in this house

Regulus: I'm okay with it

Dorcas: yea sure

Marlene: I'm allergic but lets do it!! they didnt invent medication for nothing

Remus: fine by me

Sirius: yes!! lets do it

Lily: ofc im okay with it

James: ok lets go!!

James: the pet shop is closed :(

James: but I DID find a lonely cat on the streets so everyone say hello to 

James: erm

Lily: Tailor!

Regulus: that works

Marlene: i havent met Tailor but i love them already

Dorcas: its fitting tbh, now James can be the single cat lady he was always meant to be

James: Dorcas that isnt even an insult

James: everyone should strive to be a cat lady methinks

Dorcas: leaving out the single???? i see

James: hey theres nothing wrong with being single!! I, personally, would just like not to be

Lily: I can change that ;)

James: haha very funny!

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >James Potter**

Dorcas: 'haha very funny!'?????

Dorcas: you are so fucking awkward

James: thank you im aware :(

Dorcas: cant believe Lily and Regulus are STILL interested in you

James: haha very funny!

**Group chat: Cat ladies**

Dorcas: what the FUCK happened in the house while we were gone

Marlene: it smells as if the rotten eggs had babies

Marlene: very, very smelly babies

Sirius: this, my dear friends, is a nice thing called revenge

Sirius: aka: James you said that youd get someone to clean the smell out FOUR DAYS AGO 

James: im sorry!! I got distracted

Sirius: oh dont worry its not just meant for you! also for the rest of you guys for ruining the entire house

Lily: but it worked!! it got you two together!!

Sirius: yep! thats why the house is still standing

Peter: cant believe you guys pulled an Eastern Brady on us 

Peter: i wasnt even involved :/

Remus: i know this and i apologize to you and you only

Remus: where are you guys anyway?

James: we walked outside again the smell,,,, is too much,,,,, 

James: if i dont survive tell my family (except for Remus and Sirius) that I love them

Sirius: you dont love us? 

James: not if youre the cause of my death i dont

Sirius: :(

James: OKAY FINE I DO LOVE YOU GUYS 

Sirius: you better 

Marlene: how do you guys even stand this smell?? or are you not inside

Sirius: oh no we are, weve kept my room safe

James: great!! than well just sleep there!

Sirius: but prongsie,,, after you've put so much effort into getting us together,,, you wouldnt want to get in between Remus and I, would you?

James: FUCK 

Peter: YOU GUYS- IT WASNT AN EASTERN BRADY

James: CANT BELIEVE YOU GUYS PULLED A WESTERN BRADY ON US FUCK

Lily: I'm,,, not the only one who has no idea what theyre saying right?

Dorcas: you certainly arent

Regulus: what the fuck???? who is Brady????? 

Marlene: is this the famous "bro-code" I've heard so much about? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do u ever think of the funniest joke u think u've ever made but u need a throwaway bro-code for it and then you cant help but come up with an entire story & logic behind it that wont even be featured in the story??? me neither ahaha


	14. Chapter 14

**Group chat: Tailor stans**

James: I still can't believe you guys made Tailor get a hotel :( 

Lily: _I_ still can't believe you guys made me, AND James, AND Regulus, AND Dorcas, AND Marlene, AND Peter get a hotel 

James: and Tailor!!!

Lily: ...

Lily: okay and Tailor

Sirius: I probably would've let Tailor in tbh. 

James: yes, and then I wouldn't have gotten her back

James: I remember what happened with Parasol

Regulus: do i want to know who Parasol is? 

Lily: probably not

James: my pet :( 

Dorcas: Sirius stole and ENTIRE pet???? 

Dorcas: wait I can see it tbh

James: to be fair, Parasol was pretty small for a beetle

Dorcas: a beetle.

James: and a beautiful & kind one, at that

Dorcas: let me get this right

Dorcas: you had a beetle as a pet

Dorcas: and for some reason Sirius thought the beetle was so cool he wanted to steal it????

Sirius: it was a v beautiful and kind one 

Marlene: 'was'? 

James: yea :( 

Marlene: im so sorry for your loss

James: thank u 

Lily: for some reason i have the feeling that this was not the topic i wanted to talk about

Lily: yet i am strangely fascinated

Lily: how, exactly, can you tell a beetle is kind? 

Sirius: she had very kind eyes, extremely comforting

Regulus: I wasn't aware beetles even HAD eyes

Sirius: this is why you have never had a huge attachment to a beetle. youre missing out

Regulus: am I???? Am I really?????? 

**Group chat: marauders babeyy**

Peter: James i am going to move out

James: what?? why?? no??

James: is it because your curtains are green I KNEW you hated them but I can change them I promise

Peter: The curtains are fine. I am not actually moving out

James: yay!!!

Peter: I just thought I'd try being dramatic because it always works out for Sirius

Peter: and for you

Peter: and for Remus and

Remus: Peter, we get it

Peter: but i dont think it's for me

Sirius: good call mate

Peter: thank you

Sirius: so what's going on?

Peter: when i walked into the kitchen

Peter: Alice and Dorcas and Marlene and Lily were all there

Sirius: hate to break it to you but they kind of live here

Remus: Alice doesn't

Sirius: in my defense a lot of people live here!! how am I supposed to keep track??

James: we are getting off track

Peter: right, right

Peter: they were eating the _weirdest_ things

Peter: there was- there was a bowl of pickles, and one with melted chocolate, and one with sour worms

Peter: and one with cheese, and one with parts of a banana, and one with just. hot sauce

James: a lot of bowls

Peter: you could say that

James: thats not that bad, right? 

Peter: you don't get it!!! They _combined_ them

Remus: i mean, banana with melted chocolate is quite tasty

Peter: hm

Peter: how about melted chocolate

Remus: starting off well

Peter: on a pickle

Remus: oh god i hate it

Sirius: fun fact: Remus looks a little bit green right now

Peter: and THEN the chocolate-pickle laid on a nice cozy bed of... sardines

Remus: PLEASE stop 

Remus: PLEASE

Remus: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO CHOCOLATE??

James: maybe they're pregnant

Remus: ...

Sirius: ...

Peter: ...

James: I'm getting really disappointed vibes from you, what did I do wrong?

Remus: James, Dorcas, for one, is physically unable of getting pregnant

James: right

Remus: and the odds of them all being pregnant at the same time are. very, very low

James: but there's no other explanation!!

Remus: maybe,,, just,,, ask them? 

James: good idea!

**Group chat: We are no longer Tailor stans. she peed on the carpet**

James: are you guys pregnant? 

Dorcas: James, I love you but what the FUCK

Remus: what James MEANT to ask was: why are you guys eating all that questionable stuff in,,, questionable combinations

Lily: well NOT because we're pregnant that's for sure

James: ok ok i get it alright

Marlene: also Alice is not in this chat but!! she said she probably doesn't want to be

Marlene: and she'll just read over our shoulders and give snarky commentary when she feels like it

Marlene: also Alice says she's not pregnant 

James: I GET it 

Lily: and to answer your question: eating weird shit is tradition, actually

James: really? 

Marlene: 'I started it' -Alice

Marlene: 'Alice did not start it, I did' - me, and also everyone with common sense

Lily: well Marlene,,, caused it 

Marlene: 'HAH suck on that Alice' - me, again

Lily: Marlene was eating an apple, cut in slices, and then dipped them in hot sauce

Remus: wHAT

Marlene: 'Don't shoot it until you try it' -me, now, but I also said it at this point in the story

Dorcas: she wasn't even ASHAMED, so instead, I was ashamed because I somehow still liked her 

Marlene: 'But it wouldn't have become tradition without me' - Alice, stupidly

Lily: Alice, for some reason, DID try it, made US try it, and then she even got us more options 

Lily: although adding chocolate to the mix was my idea

Remus: worst idea you've ever had 

Lily: thanks love

Dorcas: I said, because apparently I'm the only one with common sense in my group

Remus: relatablee

Dorcas: shut up we all know its peter

Remus: dorcas pls stop its too early for me to have an identity crisis

Dorcas: I said: 'I wouldn't _ever_ want to do this again.' 

Lily: and then we made it a monthly tradition!

Marlene: 'blablahbla it wouldn't have become a tradition without me blahbla' - Alice

Peter: are,, you and Alice on bad terms because of this? 

Lily: oh don't be fooled they are currently cuddling on the couch

Marlene: 'no comment' - Alice, aka the one who did NOT start this tradition

Dorcas: Alice has no comment but she DOES have her arms around Marlene

Marlene: 'no comment' Marlene, aka the one who DID start this tradition

Lily: anyway I started the tradition-

Marlene: 'NO!!!' - Marlene and Alice simultaneously

Dorcas: Lily WHY would you do that

Lily: a very simple and good reason: chaos

Sirius: a very good reason indeed

Marlene: 'After this atrocity I have to get out of the house. Bye guys!' - Alice, who's _actually_ leaving because Frank has a date planned, and who'd otherwise stay here <3

Remus: bye alice! have fun on your date

Dorcas: well, now we've got leftovers

Dorcas: do y'all want any? 

Remus: any- any what?

**Sirius Black >Remus Lupin**

Sirius: Remus you know its better not to ask

Remus: I just-

Remus: maybe the chocolate can still be salvaged 

Sirius: ,,, maybe

**Group chat: okay but Tailor is VERY soft and cute. we have no choice but to stan**

Dorcas: any of our food!

Dorcas: we decided to throw it all in one

Dorcas: large

Dorcas: bowl 

Remus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dorcas: just kidding!!

Remus: oh? 

Dorcas: we kept the some of the sardines separate to give to Tailor

Remus: >:(

James: I've still got some chocolate for you!

Remus: ,,, keep talking

Sirius: me too!! 

Remus: okay im fine now

Lily: good because I really didn't want to give you my chocolate

Remus: love you too 

Dorcas: at least now that Alice is gone _I_ get to cuddle my girlfriend

Marlene: Alice gave better ones tbh

Dorcas: I - 

Dorcas: THE AUDACITY 

Dorcas: (although Alice does give good cuddles) 

Dorcas: you dont deserve my cuddles.

Marlene: then stop cuddling me

Dorcas: no <3

Marlene: <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a while, y'all! enjoy

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Sirius Black**

Lily: so, what did that code mean? western brady???? eastern brady??????

Sirius: it means: no

Lily: haha very funny

Sirius: western brady is 'no <3' and eastern brady is 'FUCK no' 

Lily: i am laughing. so hard. a surprise you cannot hear it in your room

Sirius: really? 

Lily: eastern brady

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Remus Lupin**

Lily: heyyy remus good friend o'mine

Remus: what do you want

Lily: what does the code mean? the bro-code? 

Remus: to me, personally? 

Remus: I suppose it gives me a sense of cameraderie, of inside joke stapled on inside joke, a sense of belonging

Remus: it contains memories of hours filled with laughing and fun and hugs

Remus: its just. a very prominent reminder of our friendship as marauders, at how much time and effort we put in, and of how much love and happiness we got back for it

Remus: its like a nice shiny stone in my pocket that i can take out whenever and look at and feel happy, smoothed out by years of use

Lily: ,,,,

Lily: are you done? 

Remus: is anyone, in a sense, ever done? 

Lily: no idea but i know for sure that YOU are done

Remus: fair enough

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Peter Pettigrew**

Lily: hey peter! you love me, right? 

Peter: hi lily! and for sure <3 

Lily: so you will tell me what the code means, right? 

Peter: oh. 

Peter: oh no i promised to keep it a secret

Lily: thats' fair, but aren't i basically an honourable member of your group? 

Peter: ... you can't even remember the name (its marauders) 

Lily: you're avoiding the question (thank you)

Lily: c'mon, what's the harm? 

Peter: ehhh

Lily: !! yess

Peter: akkah;;oess;sas;;K;slkjs90alpk;;k/,

Peter: here's the code: it means 'no' 

Lily: SIRIUS DID YOU STEAL PETERS PHONE

Peter: LILY I COULD SEE HE WAS ON THE EDGE OF BREAKING 

Peter: I HAD NO CHOICE 

Lily: IS THE POOR DUDE ALRIGHT

Lily: I DIDNT EVEN GOT TO TELL HIM I LOVED HIM, TOO,,,,,,

Peter: I RELAYED THE MESSAGE, HE SEEMS OKAY 

Lily: THANK YOU 

Lily: NO WAIT IM MAD AT U FOR NOT TELLING ME THE CODE

Lily: FUCK YOU >:( 

**Private chat: Lily Evans >James Potter**

Lily: hey James

James: hey lily!!!! 

Lily: what does the marauders code mean? 

James: you mean the bro code? 

Lily: wait Marlene was right about that?? thats the actual name?? i thought she was just guessing

James: we kind of

James: changed the name? 

James: we realized we'd never come up with a funnier one

Lily: makes sense 

Lily: wait u r avoiding the question

James: what?? no i'm not ahahaha

Lily: god you're so bad at lying its cute

James: what? 

Lily: what? 

**Group chat: lily and james and regulus. sitting in a house. W-H-Y A-R-E-N-T T-H-E-Y** **K-I-S-S-I-N-G**

Sirius: okay so either Lily or Regulus just did,,, something bc James just squeeled and dropped his phone

Dorcas: I think it's Lily because Regulus is currently in the garden

Marlene: good for her! 

Marlene: but if Regulus is currently in the garden,, y'all know how he gets

Marlene: forgets to drink 

Marlene: and y'all know how _James_ gets when people forget to drink

Dorcas: you're a genius <3 

Marlene: thank you <3 

Sirius: ohh i hear you, we can suggest to Lily to bring Regulus some cookies

Remus: ,,, you guys DO realize that they live in the same house

Remus: and that they all run in to each other on pretty much a daily base

Remus: what difference is one extra meet-up going to make? 

Sirius: just tell me im a genius

Remus: ...

Remus: you're a genius

Peter: (Remus you forgot something) 

Remus: <3 

Sirius: thank you <3

**Group chat: Peter (finally) in da house**

Peter: Sirius pushed me today :( 

Sirius: accidentally!!!!! 

Peter: ,, u "accidentally" pushed me, stole my phone, and send perfectly comprehensible messages to lily? 

Sirius: what can i say life is strange

Dorcas: sirius how could u

Sirius: it was for an important cause!! 

Marlene: what cause? 

Sirius: cant tell you!! 

Lily: wow you are NOT helping your case

Lily: he was busy NOT telling me

Lily: ha)32ahkjhpk;llajkjKJHD:OIJ:LKJ<?<}:*&

Lily: he was busy NOT telling me a goodmorning

Marlene: remus you do realize i could SEE you pushing Lily and taking her phone right

Marlene: ohhh theyre fighting now

James: :/

Marlene: play-fighting!! no need to worry james.

Marlene: lily is winning anyways

Sirius: i just want to say that i love the strategy that Remus is using. taking someone's phone what an idea

Dorcas: we're all aware that you started it sirius but is it really something to be proud of?? 

Regulus: i love coming back from the garden to this nonsense

Regulus: i think i may return, at least the plants are silent,,, dont blow up my phone,,,, 

Marlene: u love us 

Regulus: anyway Sirius that is NOT a strategy to be proud of

Sirius: really?? cause i remember you doing it first when you stole my phone to talk to James

Regulus: i only did that to bother you!! 

Sirius: no one was suggesting you did it for any other reason!!! 

Marlene: just for the record: i am currently suggesting that. and the reason is: flirting

Regulus: ANYWAY when i do it its a perfect strategy actually

Regulus: but when you do it?? ,,, well,,,

Lily: hi guys i'm back

Lily: Remus is currently unable to respond to any messages you may send him

Lily: and to answer the question: Sirius was NOT responding to the question: 'what does the bro-code mean?' 

Dorcas: ohh thats a good question

Marlene: wait bro-code is the real name??

Sirius: it is now!! 

Regulus: ... so what DOES it mean? 

Sirius: it means...

Lily: sirius do NOT end that sentence with 'no' 

Sirius: okay but what if i did? 

Lily: u dont want to know <3 

**Group chat: not sure who exactly i put in here. at least not james**

Dorcas: Lily i think you could crack James

Lily: like an egg? 

Dorcas: exactly like an egg

Dorcas: the surface you'll crack the egg on: a date 

Marlene you're a genius <3 

Dorcas: thank you <3 

Lily: skjhklah what

Lily: a date???????? 

Regulus: what am i doing here

Marlene: you'll go on the date with Lily and James

Regulus: ,,why? 

Dorcas: welllllllllllllllllllll

Dorcas: it'll make James crack easier? 

Regulus: how so? 

Dorcas: wellllllllllllllllllllllll

Marlene: actually i cannot handle this

Marlene: Regulus, Lily, do you guys _want_ to go on this date? 

Regulus: oh what the hell

Regulus: yes

Lily: same here 

Marlene: then go and crack james like an egg!! 

Marlene: regulus u be the milk and lily the flour

Marlene: and make some lovely pancakes together <3 

Dorcas: okay normally i'd assume the pancakes are the dates 

Dorcas: but we've already established that the date is the surface the eggs get cracked on

Dorcas: so what are the pancakes?? the relationship?? but then why are there MULTIPLE pancakes

Marlene: please don't examine my metaphors too closely

Dorcas: fair enough

Dorcas: Regulus, Lily, you guys have been silent for a WHILE now y'all doing okay? 

Lily: aside from having earth-shattering revelations and overthinking everything?? yea im completely fine

Regulus: ^ what she said 

**Private chat: Dorcas Meadowes >Marlene McKinnon**

Dorcas: and another job well-done

Marlene: and another metaphor that didn't work up close :( 

Dorcas: i still love your metaphors even though they aren' t perfect <3 

Marlene: are those 'metaphors' 

Marlene: actually a metaphor

Marlene: for me??? 

Dorcas: mayhaps

Marlene: in that case, I love your metaphors, too <3

Dorcas: good!! you should love yourself

Marlene: >:( 

Dorcas: it' s true!! 

Dorcas: but also i love you too <3

Marlene: :) 

Dorcas: just to be clear you don't mean that in the threatening way right? 

Dorcas: i have been traumatized by Regulus

Marlene: no i don't!! I mean it in a kind and gentle way

Marlene: pretty much the opposite of Regulus 

Dorcas: okay good :) 

Marlene: :) <3

**Group chat: people who are actually trying to get jegulily to get together and also remus, sirius and peter**

Dorcas: [screenshot.jpg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvh0nX08nRw)

Marlene: you can thank us later

Marlene: (it's now) 

Marlene: (you can thank us now) 

Peter: thank you? 

Dorcas: no problem 

Dorcas: we realized you guys would never do anything, so

Sirius: hey!!!! i did something!! 

Marlene: sending Lily new pick up lines to use doesn't count

Sirius: I'll have you know those made James drop his phone two (2) times

Dorcas: Sirius, James drops his phone everytime Regulus or Lily sends him as much as 'hi'

Sirius: don't blame him his hands stop working when he's shocked 

Remus: and Peter and I helped in getting Lily to the garden to 'accidentally' meet up with Regulus and James

Peter: yea!! 

Marlene: you DO realize that u said that was useless

Marlene: even BEFORE you did it 

Remus: in my defense, it was

Dorcas: i just want you to know that i facepalmed

Remus: thank you for that information 

Peter: I had an encouraging talk with regulus? 

Dorcas: hmmmm

Dorcas: what did you say? 

Peter: that they're amazing and deserving of love 

Peter: and that they didn't really have much to lose if they confessed, but did have something to win

Peter: bc lily and james are wonderful and would never let it get in the way of the friendship

Peter: and while being single is fun it seemed as if they would be happier in a relationship with those two

Dorcas: okAY WOW WAY TO UPSTAGE ALL OF US 

Marlene: so THATS why Regulus admitted they wanted to date James

Marlene: well done pete! 

Peter: thank you! 

**Private chat: Lily Evans >Regulus Black**

Lily: so we've got to take James out on the best date possible right?

Regulus: obviously

Lily: alright meet you in the kitchen?

Regulus: be there in five

Lily: the walk from your room to here is not even five _seconds_

Regulus: be there in five (minutes) 

Lily: .... thanks for the clarification

**Group chat: the marauders**

James: just saw Regulus and Lily hanging out in the kitchen :( 

Sirius: why is there a sad emoji

Sirius: what's so sad about regulus and lily hanging out?

Sirius: apart from the fact that they' re probably planning my demise

Remus: not to worry Sirius, the world doesn't revolve around you

Sirius: you say such sweet things

Peter: cant you just....... join them? 

James: no they look very cozy 

James: Regulus even looked as if they'd put more care into their outfit than usual

James: like,,, five minutes instead of five seconds

Remus: slightly stalkerish that you could see that but alright

James: :( 

Sirius: ohhh i see 

Sirius: you are jealouss

James: maybe a little 

James: also like

James: if they get together they' ll make an amazing couple!! i know that!! and I'd be happy for them!! 

James: i just won't be part of that couple 

Remus: and that's where the sad emoji comes in 

James: yes exactly

Peter: thats tough james, but I'm sure it's not that bad

Peter: they could be hanging out for thousands of reasons 

Sirius: such as: planning my demise

James: maybe,,, 

James: still a bit sad though 

Peter: sleepover at my room? I've got chocolate and icecream 

Peter: and James we'll watch one of your rom-coms

James: ...... can it be Notting Hill? 

Peter: yes it can

James: be there in five


End file.
